


for the small weird loves.

by poetdameron



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series), Karate Kid (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Getting Together, Inspired by Richard Siken, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Men Crying, POV Alternating, Period-Typical Homophobia, Podfic Welcome, Rimming, Rivals to Lovers, Sexual Content, Underage Drinking, or more like Idiots to Lovers tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25177165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: As a young boy, Johnny learned it's easy to disarm people with enough venom put into words he promised his mother to never say.As a young boy, Daniel learned that a boy that likes other boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut.Or, the journey of two repressed men into acceptance.
Relationships: Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence
Comments: 91
Kudos: 423





	for the small weird loves.

**Author's Note:**

> Important: English is not my first language. I apologize for every mistake you my find, I'm very sorry about it. This work has been edited with [Storyshark2005](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyshark2005/pseuds/Storyshark2005)'s help.
> 
> Hi! This is my first work in this fandom, and I honestly thought I would finish this story but here we are. I know it's long... but journeys are always long. Hope you guys like it; let me know what you think in the comments!

Every now and then, Daniel wondered if things could have been different had they met elsewhere or at any other moment of their lives.

They’ve been young and reckless, and have taken everything way too far, but Daniel wore that year when they first met and his victory like a jacket for the longest time, talking of it to anyone who would listen.

When he first saw Johnny after three decades it all came down to the same old questions, he had been a confused kid again.

It was Fall now, a year after everything went down. 

The leaves fell around him as he sat under a tree in Mr. Miyagi’s yard, the loud laugh of the boys filling the air as he closed his eyes.

Would he be here, right in this moment as he heard Robby yell _ “nooooooo” _ dramatically to Anthony for probably taking advantage in their game, if he hadn’t been that kid?

“Hey,” 

Daniel opened his eyes, looking up with a smile.

“Hi.”

_ “I won! I won!” _ He heard Anthony yell and it felt  _ right _ .

**For The Small Weird Loves**

**I**

Before Sid, it was just Johnny and his mom, and the little apartment with the nice lady from the third floor who gave him and his friends popsicles.

Harry’s popsicle had been red the afternoon it happened. 

It made his hands sticky where it was melting, swolled his lips even redder than they were, and his t-shirt had been scarlett, too.

All the other kids had gone into their houses as soon as it had started raining, but Johnny and Harry had ran to hide under an umbrella in the park, waving at Laura when she yelled at him to get home from their third floor in the building in front. 

The rain answered for him, falling faster in big drops of cold water that made her give up with a sigh before getting back into their apartment.

He’d been sitting, knowing Harry was talking, watching his red lips move when the world paused for a second. Johnny pecked his lips, the sound of it becoming one with that of the rain as his friend went quiet.

Johnny blinked, looking at his face and the way he had gone so still. Harry said nothing, just kept talking about whatever he’d been saying and still walked with Johnny back to their building, said goodnight and promised to play the next day.

The morning after, he heard yelling in the living room. 

Harry’s father was saying obscenities to his mother with the boy crying at the door. When it was over, Laura had gone into his room, smiling with her face still pink and puffy from crying as she pretended she hadn’t seen him witness what happened.

“My beautiful boy…” She said, fixing his hair and caressing the cross hanging on his neck. “I don’t want you to do that again, Johnny… not for now at least.” She sighed, smiling sadly at him, like the morning his father left. “There are things you can’t do just yet. Is that clear?”

For her, he had nodded, not understanding  _ why _ .

He never saw Harry again, the whole family moved that summer and then, his mother met Sid.

* * *

First, it was Loretta’s magazines.

She was the oldest of Daniel’s cousins, which meant they should listen to her every word, which meant she had the best ideas. 

He used to laugh at his cousins when Loretta would use them as dummies to practice new hairstyles and make up, the boys always ended up looking like clowns and it made the adults laugh as well. But she never did that to him, she always said Daniel was her  _ favorite _ .

Loretta would let him hang out with her and his other cousins. All three girls made him bring them snacks and water most of the time, but he could stay in her room and watch TV with them and pass the pages of her magazines.

“Which one do you like?” They would ask each other, fingers on pictures of men with funny hair and clothes.

“Bad boys are better.” Loretta always answered without looking at the pictures, and for some reason, it stuck with him.

His mother was always working, and so he stayed until late in his aunt’s house where Loretta would pick him up in arms or take his hand to get him to her room, and protect him from her stupid little brothers who always played mean pranks on Daniel.

“Not that kind of bad boy, sweetheart.” She clarified to him when Daniel asked if his cousins were cool for being bad to him. “Rebels, Daniel. People you can have adventures with! Someone that completes you, balances you, someone that fits.” She smiled. “Someone that helps you be whole, feel free. Like my friend Becky!”

It sounded like a lot of fun.

So, when he was ten and rebellious Elijah told him to do things, he simply did. The rush of running after a prank, calling each other names, and pushing the other around, reminded him of his cousin’s giggling as they looked at magazines and asked him which boys he thought were better.

_ Elijah _ , he would pick him back then. Elijah he liked.

At the end, his mother didn’t like his friend and kept them apart. 

It would have been almost fun to break the rules if only Elijah had cared more, but the boy had no interest in a mama’s boy and so, Daniel went back to Loretta’s magazines.

**II**

Johnny learned a lot from Sid.

He learned the smell of cigarettes was disgusting and money can only keep you around so much, drinking can make his mind shut up, and to stay quiet to save a life.

Back then, he couldn’t understand what his mother had seen in the old bastard. 

It had cost him weeks, turned months, turned years of crumbs and broken smiles, begging his son to be  _ okay _ without him. It had cost him feeling that there’s no limit in what he’d endure to keep his kid safe to finally understand her.

His mother had made a sacrifice, had made what she thought to be the best she could do under her circumstances.

Johnny had been a weak kid, all lanky limbs and shaggy hair, pale skin and fragile heart, biting his tongue to not cry every time he hadn’t been fast enough to put on his walkman, and Sid’s screams had found him.

There he learned why Harry had stopped talking to him, why his mother told him to never do  _ that  _ again, why sometimes, as he saw movies with his mother at night, he was more interested in the guy than the girl.

_ “Your son is a fucking princess, I ain’t gonna raise a faggot!” _

“What does it mean?” He had asked his mother as she cleaned the small wound Sid’s ring had left on Johnny’s right cheek. “ _ Faggot _ . What does it mean?”

She had swallowed visibly, uncomfortable with the conversation or maybe just the whole situation. He couldn’t tell back then, he couldn’t tell now even if he tried. Laura had taken with her all her pain, secrets and little lies to get them by when she died, many years after.

“It’s an awful word people use to make other men feel bad because they are different.”

“Different how?”

Her green eyes had opened wide, her pink lips trembling before she closed her mouth and smiled sadly at him.

“People who love differently.” She said. “Like… how uncle Ray loves uncle Jake, remember?”

He remembered them, the men living together in front of their apartment back when they were just two and happy. Johnny’s eyes opened wide, processing what his mother had said. He nodded.

“Is it bad?”

“Of course it is, it’s an awful word to hurt people! You don’t go repeating it. Okay?”

He had nodded, still wondering about it, about what his mother hadn’t understood in his question.

Johnny found out little after, when he had been hanging around the Cobra Kai place where the older boys went. He had been watching them get to their bikes, messing around with each other when they had suddenly stopped, looking over their shoulders, two boys and a girl walking fast to the other side of the street.

“Hey, Parker!” One of them called, Johnny looked at the other group of kids as they ignored them. “Did Johnson finally fuck your little ass?”

They laughed, Johnny frowned but kept watching. The other three ignored the calls, walking faster until they were passing behind Johnny as the Cobra Kai boys made loud kissing noises. It didn’t sound like fun— he found himself caught between the two groups, ignored by both, catching all words and faces.

“What are you talking about, man? Johnson is the lady here. Isn’t that right, Richie?” Another said. 

One of the boys behind Johnny launched himself towards the group, but the girl stopped him.

“That’s right, Julia, you better hold that fag brother of yours!”

“Cut it out, Blake!” The girl asked, Johnny looked back in time to see one of the boys’ faces was red, almost as if he was crying. 

“Come on, Parker, do you need a girl to talk for you?”

“Shut up, Blake!” 

“Get the hell out of here, faggots! I told you, you can’t be here!”

Johnny saw the Cobra Kai boys laugh, getting into their bikes as they kept hissing words to the trio that was now running down the street. When they were gone, he stayed looking where the boys and the girl had run as he distractedly caressed his cross.

It felt like several minutes until it hit him—

_ “You are dead if you turn into a little faggot, you hear it? Dead. If I ever find you sucking face with another kid...” _

Boys that kiss other boys are dead boys. 

It was as simply as that, as simply as Johnny never looking at any other boy again.

* * *

The boy in the red swimming trunk smiled at Daniel the second their eyes met in the middle of the public pool.

In the afternoon, as less people filled the place, they got closer and shook hands like the grown boys they were at age thirteen. His name was Joseph, and he had told Daniel to call him Joe, and Daniel let him call him Danny.

They swam together, talking about school and their parents. He had been nice and sympathetic when Daniel mentioned the death of his father, and laughed at all of his jokes without missing a bit.

Night was falling on them when they went together into the bathroom for a quick shower and to get dressed. And as Daniel had been watching his new friend turn the water on, he had gotten closer until both were under the shower, still in their swimming trunks.

He didn’t remember who kissed who, but Joe’s lips felt different from his first kiss that had been with a girl while playing spin the bottle. His lips had been trembling, chewed on, cold and wet, and Daniel wasn’t sure how much was the shower, how much was the pool, and how much was Joe.

But then, the boy shoved him forcefully to the wall, hit him in the stomach, and his world fell apart as he realized: he had kissed a boy when he knew he shouldn’t have, that to kiss another boy was something odd and his mother would be disappointed.

And before Daniel could say  _ sorry _ , could run away and never turn back, he was hit in the stomach again.

The pain he felt as he slowly let himself fall into the ground, steps quickly fading into the distance, leaving him alone in that bathroom— he could never describe it. Not even now, when he knew what real, raw, physical pain felt like.

It was the blinding pain of scary things that are certain, that he should have kept his mouth shut. Because a boy that likes other boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut. Which he didn’t do.

**III**

_ Bobby _ . 

He met Bobby when the boy joined Cobra Kai. He had gone in two years after Johnny and later confessed he’d done it because of him, because he’d thought it so cool.

He had brown hair and a pretty face, and had kissed a couple of girls before. Johnny liked him because unlike other boys, Bobby was soft spoken and honest.

It was fun to listen to him and walk with him after class. And soon, as Johnny was becoming stronger, Bobby was right behind and for a while it was the two of them and his walkman, sitting on the beach as they listened to music.

He would have loved to stay like that forever, in Bobby’s calming presence and soft silence, forever suspended in that moment where nothing hurt and he was accepted.

Dutch came next, loud voice and crazy eyes, teaching Johnny to drive a bike and drink. Tommy then, with his infectious laugh and cute nose, calling Johnny a king. And finally, Jimmy, who followed him around and advised him best, his boyish smile always bright.

Later, once Johnny was an adult, he’d look back at all this and the certainty that he once liked Bobby _that_ _way_. The certainty that his friend _knew_ and still loved him, and accepted him like no one else had done until that moment as they watched the sun go down on the beach.

He’ll say yes to Shannon naming their boy Robert, even if their motives hadn’t been the same. 

Robert, like grandpa Bob. 

Robert, like dear  _ uncle Bobby _ .

* * *

The first time he liked someone  _ that way _ , it was a girl.

It had confused the hell out of Daniel because this girl didn’t like him back, and she kept showing him her tongue and calling him a weirdo, making her other friends laugh every time Daniel followed his mother’s advice to get her to like him.

Back then, as he was newly fourteen, he knew two things were certain: you can’t force anyone to like you back, and he had the superpower of liking both, boys and girls.

He never told anyone about it, not even Loretta and her magazines as she slowly started to ask him more and more about things nobody talked about. Like the boys he liked and if he thought so and so was handsome, as if she was testing him and he was failing every step of the test.

The next time, he got lucky. 

Lucy liked him back and let him kiss her. It had been kind of a mess because both moved at the same time and their teeth collided, making them moan in pain before laughing. It was a short lived thing, and then there was Judy.

She’d been everything to Daniel as he was older, had more experience, and new friends.

It had always cost a lot to Daniel to make and keep friends.

Boys were mean, and most of the time didn’t like the way girls simply liked Daniel better. And so, his mother would worry for him and insist he should find a friend or two.

Loretta had looked at him with a frown when he talked about Judy, and Daniel felt like he had won something against his cousin. If he could prove to her he liked girls, then Loretta couldn’t tell anyone anything else. 

Slowly, without realizing, they drifted apart and one day, Loretta was gone with her best friend Becky to New York City.

He had long forgotten all about bad boys and Elijah, and Joe. He knew how to drive a bike, and do long division in his head, and to kiss a girl.

Many years later, as an adult, he would be on the phone with Loretta who was inviting him to New York, talking about the best friend she went with and it would finally hit him— Becky was not a  _ best friend _ , she was Loretta’s  _ partner  _ and her test was just a desperate attempt at finding family in him.

It will make him realize so many things, regret having lost contact with the girl that protected him when he was little, and who could have helped him realize just how scared he had been when questions started to arise, how much he crushed himself for simple things.

He’ll stand alone in the place that had always been home after disappointing everyone, and he would not feel regret for the first time. Finally able to truly breath in and out, free of fear, shoulders finally light, heart finally calm.

Daniel will have Loretta on the phone that night, but right now, the child had to make it work somehow. 

He smiled and nodded at most of Lucille LaRusso’s antics, hopping all was truly for the best as they got by.

**IV**

Ali was good. She was different.

For a moment there, Johnny thought his little fixation had been cured or he had wised up. Now that he was a little bit older, a little bit cooler, and Sid was more careful around him since he won a brown belt in karate, he wouldn’t have to worry about any of that.

Johnny was like any other kid his age.

He had a group of friends and something to do outside school, and he liked girls, so soon he was dating them and kissing them, until he found Ali and they were  _ it _ .

Dating Ali was fun. She liked sports and cheered for him when he played soccer and when he won his black belt, and then his first and second tournament. 

She liked being kissed and touched, and would let him go as far as he wanted without telling anybody that the first time they had touched each other beyond clothes, neither of them had known what to do and he hadn't lasted very long.

After the second tournament, he thought of getting her a promise ring. His mother thought it the cutest thing, said she would love to help him choose, and everything was perfect for a while.

Even if a guy or two would make him follow him with his eyes or raise an eyebrow, it didn’t matter. He could watch and still like girls as he liked Ali.

No one in their right mind would ever tell him shit to his face, he and his Cobras dominated the Valley and for a second there, he was just another  _ John _ .

And then—

“That’s the problem…” Ali said that awful night, her eyes were wide open as she talked and the way her mouth moved so fast reminded Johnny she was so much more than being pretty. “Johnny, you are smart and funny, and I like being with you because you are really sweet… but lately, you are just like anybody else.”

“What does that even mean?” He almost shouted, making Ali visibly flinch. “Hey—“

“Everything’s a fight for you!” She said, her eyes were watery and Johnny swallowed at the sight. “Who’s there to fight?”

His dad. Sid. Blake and the shit he gave Johnny when he joined Cobra Kai.  _ Everyone _ .

“Why are you fighting all the time?”

_ Strike first. _

“You don’t know—“

“That’s right, I don’t.” Ali crossed her arms over her chest. To anyone, she’d look like she was winning the argument, but Johnny could see her face, how her lips were trembling. She was scared. “I don’t know you. In two years, I have no idea of who you are!”

Was she scared of him? Johnny swallowed, his fingers going to his cross as he moved back two steps, unconsciously giving her space. 

It was what his mom always said,  _ give her space, always give her space. _

“I don’t think you want me to know you.” She said, it sounded like the end of it. 

None of them said a word for what felt like forever, Johnny wasn’t even sure he was supposed to say anything after all her rant. He sighed, putting both hands on his face, rubbing at his closed eyes hard before looking back at Ali when a sob echoed around them.

“It’s over, Johnny.” She said before he could say anything. “I’ll see you around. Be kind to yourself.”

“Ali!” He followed her when she turned around and started walking away. “Hey, hey, let’s talk this over! All this because I forgot your birthday? I was hungover! I brought you a present and all!”

She turned around, face red and tears going down her face. “It’s not about that! That’s just the last straw! Johnny—“ She sighed, shaking her head. “You should’ve been there! I brought that red dress for you, with all those ties because you said you’d like to take it off!” She cried.

Johnny’s heart felt heavy. He could imagine her with that dress. They’d been walking around the mall together when she saw it outside a store. Ali’s eyes had gone wide and shiny, and Johnny had immediately thought how it would be like to feel all those ties in the back between his fingers, to undo them and take it off.

She had slapped his arm, calling him a pig with a big smile. And she had brought the dress to surprise him on her birthday.

“I was standing there looking at the door, waiting for you… and you never came!” Her face was a mess, hair sticking to her cheeks as tears came down. Ali passed both sleeves over her face, swallowing before looking at Johnny. “But it’s not just that…”

“What is it…?”

She got closer, putting a hand on his chest as she usually did so he would put his entire attention in only her. “Baby, you have become one of those assholes we always made fun of...”

He blinked, looking at her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

“You…” She sighed. “When we had our first kiss, you told me you have never kissed before.” Ali said softly, she had both hands over Johnny’s chest now as she kept talking. “When we went to that stupid party at the Country Club, you made me take off my shoes and sit down with our feet in the pool even when we weren’t supposed to be there. And you told me about your dad and—“

“Ali—“

“You told me  _ things _ .” She finally said, her eyes were still wet but tears had stopped going down her face. “And then— the more popular you and the boys become, the less you talked to me.”

“Are you— are you jealous or…?”

Her eyes had closed after staring at him for long seconds, a deep frown showing in her face as her right fist closed on his shirt, over his beating heart. Johnny stood silent in front of her until Ali’s eyes snapped open and she shook her head.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she declared, taking her hands away. “We are done. I mean it, Johnny.”

Later, as he told his mother all about it, she had offered a smile and little advice. To give her space, give her time. 

It only took a week for her to find someone else. One goddamn week.

Johnny saw red. 

Red like Harry’s hands and shirt, like the jacket Bobby chose for him, like Ali’s lips the night they gave each other everything, like the dress he never saw her in.

Like this boy’s hoodie, like his face after Johnny hit him on the beach.

* * *

Girls were always the best option. 

Daniel found himself always around them, and soon it became just another thing in his life, to notice how pretty most of them were while noticing how pretty some boys were, too.

But boys would kick him, none of them wanted to be looked at by another boy and so Daniel stayed with girls and kissed them, and touched them, and learned with them.

But  _ Ali with an i _ , Ali had been an anomaly in Daniel’s life. 

No girl like her would ever look at a boy like him, but she had and she had liked him since the first time they looked at each other.

He should have known that meant trouble.

Ali had been an anomaly, only six months after being the cataclysm that started what changed his life forever, she was gone as easy as she had come. 

It was easy to tell everyone the simplest way of how things ended, the details belonged to Daniel and Daniel alone, and Ali with an i had been nice enough to keep it with herself, why they could never look past what they did to each other.

Whether all of it had been just or deserved, Daniel was back to where he always found himself: friendless, now stuck in a single moment of his entire life— between the beach and All-Valley, the boys’ showers and the prom.

At the end of that road, there was only Daniel and Mr. Miyagi. 

There was only red and the smell of salt.

**V**

_ LaRusso _ . LaRusso had been a problem.

There was a before and after LaRusso, even if Johnny didn’t want to think about it.

Every morning, the picture he kept of Ali beside his bed hit him with a cold truth: he had lost her and he had been so irrelevant in her life, she had moved on with someone else a  _ week  _ later.

Maybe he should have heard his friends and let it be. He could get anyone he wanted, could do whatever he pleased.

But the sight of her and LaRusso was a reminder of how inconsequential he had been to her, who he wanted forever once, who he had given everything to, and much like his father, she had simply dumped him as if he was nothing.

His thoughts often went to the picture beside his bed and the boy at Ali’s side, even when sometimes he would simply walk and talk to his friends, forgetting the kid existed, until he was hit once again with the image of Ali and Daniel, and the humiliation LaRusso had exposed him to.

Johnny found himself unable to look away when he found them among other people, and they were often around each other for Ali’s friends were also his, and LaRusso didn’t have any friends of his own since Fernandez and the others had dumped him after the beach.

But—

The truth was, he would have looked a lot at him even if Ali wasn’t involved.

Maybe that was why he often dreamt of that beach and the dojo. He’d wake up confused and annoyed, angry at himself for this, this  _ again _ . 

“Are you serious?” Bobby asked after Johnny told him about the dreams, as vague as he could, leaving names out. 

Yet, he was sure his friend already knew who the subject of said dreams was anyway. Johnny only nodded, eyes on the ground as his fingers played with his cross.

Bobby looked at him, probably realizing how nervous Johnny felt.

“Johnny, man—” He laughed a little, shaking his head. “First, you know I—  _ care  _ about you. You are my best friend. I don’t give a shit who and what you like—”

“Bobby—”

“And, second.” He kept going, talking over Johnny who only sighed and listened. “I think you just like this boy…”

“No.” He shook his head, closing his eyes. “No, that’s not—not even an option.”

Bobby frowned, they had been watching a movie in his room and Johnny could hear Bobby’s little sister running downstairs with the family dog. They wouldn’t be disturbed here, the Browns trusted their son like nobody Johnny has ever met before. They could talk and do whatever they wanted.

“Who knows? What if he is into guys, too?”

“That’s not the point!” Johnny said, for the way Bobby was now smiling at him, he must have blushed. 

His face felt warm. 

“It’s like—okay...” 

Johnny took a deep breath, leaving his cross alone before letting out all the air of his lungs. He swallowed. “Let’s say it’s… I don’t know, the new kid.”

“Daniel?” His friend arched an eyebrow. “Daniel LaRusso?”

“Yeah, whatever!” He cleared his throat, Bobby’s lips became a white line on his face and holy fuck—  _ he knew _ , Johnny had totally blow it. “This is hypothetical. Let’s say the guy I’ve been dreaming of is that asshole. See my problem?”

His friend watched him for what felt like forever, as if he had been searching for something in Johnny’s face, waiting for divine intervention to tell him what to say. Finally, he nodded and looked away.

“Well…” Bobby started, “let’s say it’s Daniel, then.” He conceded, Johnny rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting. “I still think you like him!”

“Come on!”

“No, think about it!” Bobby got on his knees, looking at Johnny and waiting for him to put his eyes on him. 

Johnny sighed and reluctantly turned to his friend.

“It pisses you off because you got a problem with him, he’s your karate rival and he’s the guy your ex-girlfriend moved on with—“

“In just one week!”

Bobby nodded. “In just one week.” He conceded again. “But, he’s not actually a bad guy—“

“Bobby—“

“I don’t think he’s a bad guy.” Bobby shrugged. “I don’t think you think he is a bad guy either.”

Johnny groaned, closing his eyes and letting his head fall behind, into Bobby’s bed. It was starting to ache, this whole conversation was painful with each word out of their mouths. He shouldn’t have brought it up.

“I think… maybe it’s all so confusing because you know he’s not bad, and that you actually find him cute like Ali does, but—“

“But?” Johnny opened one eye, looking at Bobby at his side. 

The boy had sat down again, back against the edge of the bed like Johnny’s. He was looking at the black screen of the TV set, thinking his next words. Johnny uncrossed his arms, opened his eyes and put his entire attention to his friend.

“Be careful.” Bobby said, it sounded like a plea. Johnny frowned when his friend looked at him. “I don’t… I don’t know. Just be careful.”

He looked at Bobby for so long, Johnny was sure he could describe him perfectly and poorly draw him from memory. At the end, he only nodded.

“How do I get rid of the dreams?” He asked later as he laid on the bed with his friend. “I can’t punch him until the tournament…”

“Man, not everything is fixed with a fight!”

_ Everything’s a fight for you! _

The ceiling needed a repaint. Johnny sighed as he kept searching for an answer on it, feeling Bobby move at his side.

“Have you tried just ignoring it? Nobody can control what they dream anyway.”

“But it’s so annoying…”

“Then just kiss him or something.”

He found himself considering it for a moment, groaning when he heard Bobby giggling like a girl at his side. 

Johnny turned, looking him in the face. They held each other’s eyes in the dark for a moment, then Johnny sighed. 

This was another moment he could stay in forever, in his friend’s warm and understanding sight.

“Thanks.”

“Mhm.” Bobby closed his eyes, his little smile mirroring Johnny’s own. “Nothing to thank me for.”

* * *

_ Johnny _ .

The boy had been a blur the first time Daniel saw him. Something so far beyond reach, wild and messy, Daniel had only stood watching as he harassed Ali until he snapped back to reality and ran to help her.

He had hit him like a train, fast and heavy, but oh so graceful each time, from the beach to the tournament, that Daniel found himself trying to imitate several of his movements after for the rest of his life.

But that night on the beach, he had seemed like a feral animal on the loose. He had yelled and spat, and passed like a red typhoon.

_ Bad boys are always better _ , it didn’t make sense when it hurt like this. _ Not that kind of bad boy, Daniel.  _

Ali kept coming to him, he kept going to her. And in the hallways of school, the blond hair and icy eyes kept catching his attention, a rush of fear and something else there.

To this day, Daniel still wondered how he couldn’t tell what it was.

But he felt it each time. The boy would do something, sometimes just look at Daniel the wrong way, and he would be retaliating somehow until they were standing in the dark near his building and Johnny looked like the Death, ready to take Daniel with him.

If it hadn’t been for Mr. Miyagi, had he made it another day? And how was this not stopping him from looking for Johnny in every class room and every corner? Why was he still seeing him, in dreams and magazines, and even in Ali?

They had a deal, Johnny and the other Cobras couldn’t touch him until the tournament, and Johnny’s discipline had given Daniel a golden chance at being an asshole that gloats on his luck, and it felt  _ good _ .

It felt good to see that stoic face and rosy cheeks, the way those blue eyes would follow him without words, and how he would desist from trying to intimidate him.

Johnny would enter the room and Daniel would feel like calling his attention somehow, remind him he couldn’t do shit to him even when the boy was minding his own, even when the truth was that Daniel could find him among all the kids in school and watch him go about his day from the distance without Johnny ever looking over.

If this was hate then it had nothing on love, or whatever he felt for girls before. For Elijah, and for Joe.

The boy could ignore him easily, even be nice in a strange way. Little gestures of politeness Daniel wasn’t sure where they came from, like holding a door open and picking up paper and pencils that had fallen from Daniel’s desk as he passed to his at the back of the classroom.

Had he been trying to piss off and confuse Daniel, he wasn’t sure, but many times he found himself holding Johnny’s gaze as it happened, and the neutral expression on his face made Daniel realize just how  _ pretty _ he was.

It changed something. Like the plot of his dreams, and the eagerness to call his attention somehow, or to get some extra information from Ali and her friends.

“—but our friend, Jonathan, wouldn’t leave us alone so now I’m training. And maybe I will die. Or maybe I’ll kick his ass.”

“Jonathan?” Ali asked while her friends laughed, though it didn’t sound like they found Daniel funny. “It’s just John.”

Daniel nodded, unable to tell why this little piece of information felt so important.

“Okay, then— our friend, John Lawrence.”

“John Henry Lawrence.” She said distractly, like if she was remembering just how much she knew about her own ex.

John Henry Lawrence.

_ John _ , he found himself calling him inside his head as he lay down on his bed.

_ John _ , bluest eyes he has ever seen  _ (Ali had blue eyes, she had blue eyes too, why—) _ .  _ John _ , pink lips and big hands.  _ John _ , blond hair shining golden in the daylight  _ (like Ali’s, she—) _ .  _ John _ , broad back and hard biceps.

_ John _ .

At the end, the boy didn’t kill him but Daniel wore the victory like a jacket for the longest time, talking of it and feeding from it like a starving man whose only source of energy had left him.

Johnny never talked to him again after the prom, and Daniel never told anyone he hadn’t been most of the dance with Ali.

He kept his thoughts and desires in a little box, hidden under his bed like all monsters and dark things lurk while we sleep, barely aware that he should give back what wasn’t his.

But then, if he did, what excuse would he have to see John again?

**VI**

The boy in the ridiculous blue suit stood behind Ali, waiting for her to finish talking to her friends  _ again _ . 

Johnny wondered if he knew that was not gonna happen, but LaRusso looked as lonely as ever, and not for the first time it made him lift an eyebrow.

It was hard to ignore, the way he’d just walk around with Ali and nobody else. Johnny was sure the kid had no friends, and for some reason it made his body act up with a weird warm sensation he didn’t have a name for that formed a knot in his belly.

He took a sip of Dutch’s cheap beer as he sat on the trunk of his car, looking away from the boy.

“That poor guy…” Jimmy sighed, watching the scene on the other side of the parking lot. Johnny looked at him and waited for what they all knew was coming. “Should we invite him over?”

“ _ Ugh _ .” Tommy rolled his eyes, walking to the other side of Johnny’s car as Bobby kept sucking face with Jen in the backseat, unaware of what was happening around. “We already did our charity, we let him sit with us all night! Are we gonna feel guilty forever? He’s lame and boring! I’m done with LaRusso.”

Johnny’s eyebrows lifted as he heard Jimmy sigh while leaning his back on the car just a few inches away from his foot, arms crossed over his chest, probably thinking of how to convince them to invite LaRusso to hang with them again. 

He was really the best of them. 

This same scene had happened earlier, when the little shit and Ali had entered the gym and she had found her friends right away. He spent half an hour just sitting there, sometimes interrupting Ali but never getting her to even dance with him.

It was… A sight. 

Dutch had ditched them for a chick none of them would remember the name of later, the dance inside the gym had come to that point where only virgins were waiting for their girls to say yes and head out somewhere else to fuck; Johnny wondered if this had been LaRusso’s plan since he was looking so anxious around Ali all night. 

But the girl had no intention to look back at her boyfriend. 

It had been a boring night, so Johnny kicked Jimmy’s arm gently, making the boy look up at him.

“Go ask him if he wants a beer.” 

Jimmy blinked, slowly uncrossing his arms but nodding with a tiny smile before heading off. 

He heard Tommy groan and Bobby’s girl giggling behind him. Johnny looked back, Jennifer and his friend were now sitting with red cheeks, and he couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that came each time he saw them lately.

Odd, since they had spent a good amount of time together. She knew him, he knew her, and they were past the awkward phase of the annoyed best friend that wants more attention from the boyfriend. She was okay.

But there in his chest, ever since he saw them come earlier tonight, it hurt. Johnny couldn’t put a finger on  _ why _ , but it hurt all the same.

He wished he had his cross with him, wondering again where he had lost it and if someone had found it already.

“Look at you, all a good boy now!” She said, Johnny rolled his eyes but leaned down on his back, getting between them. 

The car under him was chill, even with the suit his mom had got him, he could feel it—everything about tonight was cold. She poked his cheek with a finger. 

“You know, you can’t be nice to the competition and then somehow take the girl back.”

“Not trying to!” He said, not surprised by how true it was. Johnny looked at her with a grin. “How’s your sister?”

“Ugh, hush!” She slapped him on the shoulder slightly, making Tommy and Bobby laugh.

A car started, making them all look forward as Johnny sat down again, watching as Ali and her friends got on LaRusso’s yellow ride without him. They shared a few words before she was driving away and the boy stood with Jimmy, just watching as they went.

Then, they were walking towards their little group.

“Why would he let Ali Mills drive his car?” Jennifer wondered aloud, Johnny shrugged.

“He probably doesn’t know she’s half blind…” Bobby commented and he couldn’t help but think of how, how could LaRusso not know?

They’ve been together for what? Five, six months? He certainly must know. Maybe he just didn’t care— which didn’t sit right with him, but Johnny lowered his head as he sighed and leaned back on the car with closed eyes.

Someone put their fingers in his hair, probably Jen. He just hummed in approval and heard her giggle.

“Hey, where is the other one?” LaRusso asked. 

“Dutch?” Tommy said, “Probably fucking…”

“ _ Hopefully _ , getting laid so he’s gonna be quiet the rest of the weekend.” Bobby answered, he heard them all but LaRusso laugh.

“Oooh, don’t look at us like that!” Tommy talking again, Johnny opened his eyes and looked at the sky. There were no stars that night. “What are you? A virgin?”

“I’m— I’m not!” 

Oh. Johnny blinked, listening. So LaRusso was still a virgin.

The boys laughed but they didn’t dig on the other’s obvious lie. He heard them uncap a bottle for LaRusso, his soft ‘thanks’ and Jen asking about Ali, the way he tried to avoid saying much.

Did he really have nothing to say or was he trying to keep things peaceful? Johnny bit the inside of his cheek, reminding himself he wouldn’t fight the karate kid anymore. There was no point for it.

Someone poked at his ribs, making him look to his left where LaRusso was standing with something akin to a smile.

“Hey,” LaRusso said as he looked at him. 

“Hi.” Johnny greeted back, voice sounding small.

Just for a second, he forgot where they were and with who.

They hadn’t talked at all but once outside the showers ever since the tournament and what happened in the parking lot, he had nothing to say to that creepy old man or this boy.

Yet, LaRusso was always looking.

He seemed to want him to say or do something, anything really. And when it never came, he would lower his eyes and frown, murmur something to himself then disappear. More often lately, Johnny had wanted to follow and ask what was all that about.

But tonight he had finally said a word. They stared for seconds longer, and only when he took it away, Johnny realized Daniel had left his finger pressed against his ribs.

“Uh, thanks for the beer.” He said, Johnny only nodded. 

The boy visibly swallowed, moving away a little to take a big sip of the drink, only to choke on it and make everyone laugh. Johnny sat down on his car, shaking his head as he tried his best not to laugh too.

LaRusso was just… naive sometimes. New to everything, it was almost— _ almost _ kind of cute.

“You can’t even drink beer!” Tommy said, making Daniel frown. “You’re a disgrace, keep drinking!”

“I’m drinking!”

“You gotta get used to it!” Bobby said, Johnny bit the inside of his cheek, hearing Jen’s giggles behind him. “Drink, LaRusso, drink!”

“I AM DRINKING, ASSHOLE!”

“Drink, drink, drink!”

Johnny laughed aloud, chanting with his friends as the boy finally got the hint and drank the rest of the bottle faster than he has seen any of the guys do before. Dutch would be embarrassed if he was there, if he were still who he used to call a friend and not the guy that kept ditching them every chance he got.

When LaRusso finished, they cheered, clapping as he showed the empty bottle and bowed.

This didn’t suck. 

In fact, sitting with him at the same table inside hadn’t been so bad either. 

Maybe he could simply do this after all, even if the dreams sometimes got weirder and more specific.

It was hard not to think of them, though. Especially as the main subject sat at his side over his car, talking to his friends as if he belonged right there since the beginning and all that had happened was just pretend. 

“Alright kids, mom and dad are retiring for the night!” Jen announced. She and Bobby had gotten out of the car minutes ago when the parking lot started to empty with people heading to their next destination. “Be safe, don’t do anything stupid!” She made finger guns at him and Johnny narrowed his eyes at her as she spoke: “That’s for you, Johnny boy!”

“Goddammit, woman, go away!” 

“Leave my lady alone!” Bobby answered, making LaRusso and Tommy laugh. “You guys be safe, see you in the morning!”

“Please don’t fuck in the car!” Jimmy yelled at them once they were far enough, knowing well anyone could hear him. Bobby seemed mortified as he looked back, pleading with his eyes for their friend to shut up. “I will ride with Bobby tomorrow, I don’t want to smell like thai food!”

“SHUT UP, JAMES!” Jen answered, Johnny snorted at the exchange as everyone with them and in close proximity laughed loudly.

LaRusso poked him on his side again, this time making Johnny jump a little before looking.

“You gotta stop with that!” Johnny told him, the boy smirked like the asshole he was. “What?”

“Why aren’t you drinking like us?”

Jimmy chuckled, getting into the car. “He’s our designated driver tonight.”

“Oh?” He arched an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah, our friend here is actually a very responsible guy. Mommy asked him to be presentable for tomorrow!” Tommy informed, Johnny rolled his eyes before smacking his head not-so-gently. “Hey!”

“Shut up, moron.” Johnny said, then looked at LaRusso. “I’m the only one with a car here, I'm not that crazy to drive drunk.”

“I mean, last time we did that, Dutch ended up behind bars and we  _ almost  _ died.” Jimmy told him. “Never again.”

The boys visibly cringed, that night had been fun in retrospective but also the start of the hell his year had become and he should have known better. He should have known that following Dutch into hell was always dangerous, becoming whatever they all were in that moment doomed the rest of his life.

Johnny sighed, moving to stand. 

LaRusso followed his lead, standing faster and immediately grabbing him by the shoulders when he stood and felt the world shake. Jimmy and Tommy had moved to help too, but Johnny stood there shaking his head with closed eyes, trying to keep it together.

“You only had one!” Tommy reminded him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” He swallowed. “It’s not that.” Johnny opened his eyes and looked at the boy in front of him, still holding him by the shoulders without moving. “I’m just having problems sleeping again.”

And the reason was right there, staring between surprised and worried. His hands softened on Johnny’s shoulders, caressing his biceps as they moved down and away from him. 

LaRusso blinked, looking at his face with those big doe eyes wide open and shiny, like if he was surprised by his own actions, of the way Johnny was looking at him.

To this day, he still wondered if his friends noticed. If they did, they never said anything.

“Get in the car.” Johnny said softly. He hadn’t meant to, but his voice seemed to have disappeared with LaRusso’s hands. He cleared his throat. “Come on. I’ll take you home too.”

“Uh, I have my—  _ oh _ . Ali. Yeah.” LaRusso sighed. “Oh shit, no— I’m not— I’m not going home, I’m going to Ali’s! She said she’ll give me the car there.”

This time, his heart didn’t ache at the mention of the girl. He didn’t feel the same rage, didn’t feel like fighting. Johnny looked at Daniel and signaled the car with a movement of his head.

“That’s near my place, get in.”

First, they dropped Tommy off at his cousin's, then Jimmy at his place. The Mills residence was just a block away from Sid’s, and LaRusso had shouted dibs on the passenger seat when Tommy and Jimmy were getting ready to leave, shaking their heads as the guy ran to sit next to Johnny.

He had the car’s hood up, the radio was low, and they were quiet once alone for the first time ever. 

All night he had seen LaRusso attempting to talk to him, to get close. He had seen him arrive at the dance in the most ridiculous suit he had ever seen, but Johnny had said nothing about it, not even when LaRusso had said to like the dark red suit his mom had picked for him.

“You don’t talk much, uh?” LaRusso asked once they were alone.

Johnny shook his head. “You talk enough for five people.”

“Oh, he knows words!” The boy celebrated, Johnny looked at him for a few seconds, then back at the street. “Come on…”

When Johnny didn’t say anything, the boy sighed. “You’re no fun…”

“What do you want, LaRusso?” He asked, feeling the beginning of a headache flourishing with every word out of the other’s mouth. “Don’t you have enough? I’m off your back, I don’t even walk on the same side as you and Ali. What else do you want?”

Finally, there was silence. 

He could tell LaRusso was breathing heavily and not looking at him, Johnny could feel the tension coming off the other boy at his side and he wondered, not for the first time, why did he wanted to reach out to him so badly and comfort him?

_ Sorry I’m an asshole.  _

_ Sorry I don’t know what to say or do when you are around.  _

_ Sorry I have no idea of what’s happening. _

“Why did you pass me the trophy?”

That— Johnny swallowed, he prefered not to think of that night, let alone talk about it.

“I'll get off your back, but answer me this.”

A red light made him stop, but his brain kept throwing different answers and all of them were lies. After this and graduation, they would probably never see each other again— there was nothing tying him to this guy anymore.

LaRusso and Ali would keep their lives together, while he had Sid to deal with and the prospect of nothing.

Not college, not karate, not Ali, not anything he took for granted once.

The radio made a noise, only then Johnny realized he had closed his eyes and had his fingers toying with the collar of his shirt, not used yet to the loss of his chain.

It had been the only thing he had from his father, and like him, it was simply gone in the blink of an eye.

LaRusso was changing the station, suddenly accustomed to Johnny’s car and his silence. As if he belonged here, in the trip of leaving everyone safe in their houses, just like he had looked like part of the picture at their table and their spot in the parking lot.

Fleetwood Mac sang through the speakers.

Laura loved this song, and so did the guy at his side it seemed. The light went green as LaRusso tapped his fingers on his knee. Johnny kept driving, The Chain allowed him to keep to himself and enjoy the echo of the boy’s voice.

“So?” LaRusso insisted after a while, Johnny sighed deeply. “It’s a simple question, John. Why did you—? What?”

Johnny blinked a couple of times, then went back to looking at the road. Nobody called him by his name, not even his mother. Hell, not even himself.

“Nothing.” He said at the end, and before the boy could talk again, he finally answered. “It was the right thing. Contrary to what you and your sensei think, I know what karate is about.” 

LaRusso said nothing but Johnny could feel his eyes on him. He kept singing,  _ damn your love, damn your lies _ , and Johnny kept driving until they came to a stop.

Ali’s house was now in front of them, all lights off, looking colder than before. 

Johnny sighed looking at the familiar front door and the little places he knew were to step to not make noise to enter the garden, then pass the pool to climb carefully to the girl’s window, where she would be already waiting.

Her window had always been open back then, lights off, but open as she waited with a huge smile.

“Alright,” Johnny swallowed, waiting for Daniel to leave. “Here we are.”

“What is it about?”

“What?”

“You said you know what karate is about.” LaRusso said, he had a hand on the pocket of his jacket, like if he wanted to take something out of it but was too distracted to do so. “What is it about?”

_ And if you don’t love me now,  _

_ You will never love me again. _

They stared at each other for several seconds until Johnny looked away, killing the engine and closing his eyes as he let his head hit the seat, wishing he had his chain around his neck, the cross to play with.

His fingers  _ itched _ .

“You are the living embodiment of a headache.” Johnny said as he opened his eyes. 

LaRusso only smiled, eyes sparking as if Johnny had complimented him.

“Honor.” He said after a pause. Johnny swallowed before finally looking at the other. “And you _beat_ _me_.”

Those big doe eyes looked surprised, his mouth had opened slightly as if it was such a big deal that Johnny had admitted defeat. He had done it already by passing that stupid trophy that only caused him more problems, Johnny couldn’t understand LaRusso’s reaction right now.

But they were looking at each other, really looking— this guy with his boyish face, the sweet round cheeks and pretty nose. Something in there made him pretty, the kind of handsome Johnny had found himself liking.

Soft men, kind men. Sweet girls, happy girls. And somehow, Daniel was all of those things and more. He was brave, and funny, and knew how to kick. He even liked karate, he even seemed to care as much as Johnny.

There was a sudden moment and then—

He wasn’t sure what drove Daniel to move, but his lips landed on Johnny’s for a few seconds. He had just pecked his lips, leaving him astonished as he looked down. 

Johnny blinked. Once and twice.

“Daniel,” he called him, making the boy look up with big shining eyes.

Without hesitation, Johnny kissed him. This time as you should kiss for the first time: firm and gentle, teasing for what else was coming later if it went good. He kissed him as he had always wanted to kiss a boy, as Johnny had kissed Daniel in dreams since that beach.

Daniel put both hands over his cheeks, his lips were soft and a little moist, probably for all the times he kept biting in his bottom lip. But Johnny kept his eyes closed and relaxed in the boy’s hands, opening his mouth slightly until he could taste beer and what he’ll recognize simply as  _ Daniel _ .

Their lips made a loud noise as they separated, and they looked at each other again. LaRusso smiled at him, and this time crushed their mouth together hard, suddenly  _ hungry _ .

Johnny kissed back with as much impetu as Daniel, swallowing the boy's little moan and taking the chance to let his tongue wander in, as if he already knew him and was made to fit in perfectly.

He held Daniel gently with a hand in his jaw, keeping him firm in place as Johnny deepened the kiss and touched his tongue with his.

Things were heating up, he moved his other hand into Daniel’s hair, gently tugging at it to change the angle, when it all ended like a dream interrupted by the loud noise of the alarm.

“Shit!”

LaRusso jumped away from him, almost as if touching Johnny burned him. His eyes were wide open, looking at him with pure and raw fear. They looked at the passenger's seat window almost at the same time, already knowing this was over.

As short lived as it had been, that was it. A stolen kiss both will deny forever.

Johnny swallowed, looking at Ali’s pink cheeks and frozen expression.

She had the bluest eyes in the world, and tonight they looked pitch black as wide as they were. Ali stood there, just watching them for several seconds, maybe even entire minutes, and then she just— she turned away, walking towards the entrance of her house.

LaRusso left the car in a rush, saying nothing before running to catch Ali. This was his clue to leave.

He swallowed, unable to understand why there was so much pressure in his chest, why it ached as he initiated the car again and drove away in a hurry with trembling lips and hands.

* * *

After the winter break, nothing changed.

Daniel thought he'd go back to school as a new man, things would be different with his new found local fame and his thing with Ali going better every day. Yet the second he put his feet in school, it was all the same.

It had been like any other day, looking at the Cobras in the parking lot over their bikes included. 

Johnny’s hair had shone golden in the sun while the others sat around him as if listening to him and only him. But the boy had nothing for Daniel. Not a glance, not a nod like cool kids that respect each other, nothing.

He never bothered him again, never even responded to the time or two Daniel tried to provoke him nor he seemed to care if he saw him and Ali in the hallways. 

It was as if the Johnny Lawrence he knew had disappeared and was replaced by this silent and oddly polite guy that spent his time sitting in the back of the class room with his earphones on.

“You are obsessed with him now that he doesn’t give you shit, you miss him.” Susan had commented, half joking half serious as ever, as he sat to eat with Ali and her friends.

“Susan, come on…” Ali begged, tired of every conversation somehow going back to Johnny. Months of this hadn’t made it any easier for her, and every day Daniel realized more and more how much she still cared.

_ “They were together for two years, Daniel, what do you expect from her? He was her first boyfriend! Every single man is going to be compared to him. It’s your job to be compared as the better man, not hers” _ , his mother had said.

If she was right, Daniel didn’t really want to think about it, but it certainly made sense with the way she would look away and try to find another conversation between the gossip of her friends and Daniel’s constant distraction when the boy came into the room.

It had happened again a week before prom during gym class. Ali and Daniel had been playing tag together when he caught sight of Johnny practicing with the soccer team.

His distraction had been so, a ball hit him right in the face so hard, his nose bled and he fell to the grass.

As he was laying on the floor, complaining about the pain, he felt someone tugging at his shirt to make him sit down. Daniel opened his eyes expecting to see their teacher or even Ali, but it was Lawrence who was looking at him with a deep frown.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, then his nose started bleeding and Ali had made him run to the school’s nurse.

By the time it had stopped and they were out, the afternoon had fallen in the school’s field as everybody had ran to clean up and head home after the last gym class of the school year.

The place was practically empty, but when Daniel asked Bobby about Johnny, the boy had blinked a couple of times before telling him he was still in the showers. He saw Ali walk away with Bobby and his girlfriend, talking about prom as he had excused himself saying he wanted to thank the guy for  _ helping  _ him.

If she cared about it, she didn’t show or say anything beyond the little frown in her face before saying goodbye. They would be seeing each other that night anyway, going to the movies then dinner.

The sun was coming down, casting shadows in yellow and orange colors he’d seen only in movies. But in this city, cinema magic seemed to be the everyday rule and he still couldn’t believe he lived in it.

“Hey, Johnny?” He asked as he looked inside the showers. 

He could hear one still going, and Daniel stood in the entrance thinking of how inappropriate it would be to go talk to the boy while he was balls naked in there. Daniel nodded to himself, deciding to simply wait for him to come out when an unfamiliar sound made him look inside again.

For a second, nothing happened. He moved to stand outside when he heard it again, this time louder, and Daniel recognized it as a sigh, kind of as if someone was crying.

Blinking, he walked in, slowly searching for the source of the whimpers until he realized— it wasn’t crying.

“Oh, shit…” He murmured, swallowing as he felt his cheeks warmth. “Shit, shit, shit—”

“Fuck!” 

The noise made him look again, this time recognizing the person under the spray of water and Daniel froze there, watching.

Johnny’s back was wider than he remembered from gym class and the times he’d stay to see Ali’s cheerleader practice as the soccer team did their own. He could see every and each of the beauty marks on his skin, the freckles on his shoulders and the thick of his biceps.

The way his hair stuck to his neck, how he was holding his weight with a hand to the wall as the other—

He needed to get out of there.

“Shit—” 

But he didn’t. He stayed there, just watching as Johnny masturbated under the shower, whispering things so quietly, later his brain would fill in the gaps as he tried to keep his mouth shut in his room at night.

He saw the way his shoulders tensed and his head went down as he came, groaning loudly before going still, chest going up and down with every breath.

He saw him wash away his spunk from his hands, laughing lightly as he let the water clean his abdomen and just— the sight of his body, the perfectly defined abs and V with the little trail of golden hair— his breathing stopped.

It had been a while since Daniel felt like this for another guy, or maybe he had just ignored it until now as he watched all this and his legs felt like jelly.

The shower went off and Daniel finally moved, his mind going too fast for him to remember how he got out of there and why he stayed outside, looking at the ground as the time passed.

All he could remember was the smell of soap and the steam, the air that couldn’t get past his throat, his chest that felt full and his cock that ached in his pants.

He gasped, aware of the erection he now needed to hide. 

Daniel tried to think of something else as he put his bag to his front and swallowed. He would have run and left this all behind if it wasn’t for how he had turned to find Johnny coming out the place with his earphones on, immediately running into Daniel.

“Shit!” Daniel panicked, looking Johnny up and down before biting his lip. “Sorry, I— sorry—”

“What are you doing?” He answered, blinking as he lowered his earphones to his neck. 

“Uh, I was just…” Daniel licked his lips before looking up and somewhere beyond Johnny’s face, he couldn’t look him in the eye after what had just happened. “Bobby said you were here and I wanted to—”

“Save it.” The boy answered. “Don’t even mention it, LaRusso.”

There was an awkward feeling to this new kind of tension between them, Daniel wondered if he was just imagining it or Johnny could also tell this had turned into something else between December and today.

Johnny’s hand reached forward, holding Daniel’s face up with two fingers on his chin before moving them to his nose, checking for injuries.

“How’s the nose?”

“I should ask you that…” Daniel said, like an idiot. Johnny took his hand away. “Fuck, sorry— I didn’t mean it like that, I’m—”

So fucking stupid. He closed his eyes hard, then opened again. Slowly, Daniel was finally able to look Johnny in the eyes. 

Were they always this deep? He tried to smile, but Johnny seemed to be as confused as he felt in that moment and could only nod before turning around to leave.

For a second, Daniel thought of stopping him, quickly searching for an excuse to make him stop, make him stay. They might talk, they might agree on something for once, they might know each other. 

It could be so sweet.

But the boy was gone by the time Daniel finally moved again. 

The afternoon was becoming something else, colors changing in the sky as the wind became cooler. He walked at the end, disappointed though he wasn’t sure why until golden took his attention away.

He walked faster, picking up a small chain from the ground, one he recognized between Johnny’s fingers when he had to read aloud sitting in his desk during class, hanging on his neck while playing soccer.

Daniel didn’t have to ask around to know this was Johnny’s cross, and it was confirmed when he turned it on his palm and saw the name engraved on it: John Henry.

This could be his excuse.

It was what he thought for the rest of the week as he tried to get Johnny to look at him, say anything. And each time Daniel had the intention to walk over and give him the chain, something would stop him— from the way Johnny looked away, to Ali actually taking him by the arm and guiding him somewhere else away from the boy.

He had wanted to give it back after prom as they talked in Johnny’s car. He had really wanted to.

The last time Daniel saw Johnny Lawrence, shit had gone down between him and Ali, and so they promised to never mention what had made their fight blow up in the first place.

He told one version to his mother and Mr. Miyagi, knowing well Ali was telling another one to her folks and her friends. 

Both had found someone else, both had been dishonest and kissed other people while still together. They had looked at each other, messy fancy clothes and swollen eyes, the sun coming up as she slowly shook her head and said her story.

Ali had cried while doing so, frustrated at what they have become, how hard they have fought to have each other and at the end… this was it. Tears the morning after a prom they didn’t enjoy together, a trashed car, a stolen kiss from a summer dream, and lies to keep them safe.

At least, he didn’t have to worry about being…  _ outed _ . He and Ali may have not worked out, searching for other people while together, they may have ended things on a bad note, but he knew the girl would never speak of that kiss.

“Fuck…” Daniel turned on his bed, facing the wall of his room as his head kept going on and on about the same as it had for a week since it happened.

Not even doing katas put his head off, all he saw when closing his eyes was that red suit and those blue eyes, what he was hiding in his pocket that night and then—

Daniel groaned, regret tasting bitter in his mouth as he remembered the little chain he had over his night table. He should have simply given it back to Johnny that night, maybe he should have not stayed in the showers in the first place, or perhaps he should have given up on the fact that he liked this guy.

How could he like him? 

Johnny had hurt him. He had beat the shit out of him, humiliated him, made his first months in California a living hell. Yet here he was, thinking and overthinking every action of the blonde.

He moved on his bed, taking the chain from the table and laying on his back again. Daniel sighed, letting it hang from his closed fist as he watched it. It was just a simple cross. Probably of real gold, Johnny was a rich bastard kid after all— yet there was something about it.

Maybe the way he carried it with him everywhere, how his fingers would touch it the second no one was watching or too many people were looking. Daniel kept thinking and overthinking all of it.

Thinking and overthinking the way Johnny had been almost crying when he passed the trophy to him, the fear in his eyes before Mr. Miyagi stepped in at the parking lot, the calm of his expression as he read Wuthering Heights on his bike with his headphones on as he waited for his friends.

Looking at him from the distance, hearing Ali and her friends talk of a time Daniel didn’t know about, seeing him without fear and without taking precautions, John was different.

Even as an adult, Daniel wished they could have gotten to know each other.

He never found him again, didn’t find the way to maybe ask Ali or her friends where he could see Johnny, if someone could give him a number. As an adult, he never kept contact with anyone from school, not even his neighbors or Ali herself, no one.

The last time he saw Johnny Lawrence in the flesh, Daniel had kissed him, and Johnny had kissed him back… and yet, he stepped out. 

Like a coward, Daniel ran away and never looked back.

**VII**

In the months before the tournament, Johnny asked his mother about his father.

He hadn’t in so long, Laura frowned deeply and stayed quiet for an entire minute before dismissing his question with an easy smile and  _ “we’ll talk later” _ that never came. 

Later, he would remember that day pretty often, wondering what else his mom kept buried in her chest, unable to let it out with anything or anyone, hiding behind her smile.

The only memory Johnny had of his father was that he liked to smoke. 

He didn’t have an image, something to figure in his head when he thought of him, but the smell of cigarettes and a laugh that slowly faded away as he grew older. When he couldn’t remember the laugh anymore, he asked his mother again about him, but she had avoided it like the plague once more.

Still, the older he got, the more he wondered what had been so wrong about him and his mom that Mr. Lawrence had to run away from them. 

That’s how he found himself at twenty five, standing in front of a white fence house in Schaumburg, Illinois.

He had told Sid that if he did this for him, he’ll never ask for anything ever again and Johnny had meant every word. Ever since he became a man, him and Sid had looked away from each other and hardly tolerated the other because of his mother when Johnny was invited for dinner and whatnot.

But if someone had the means to find anybody in his life, it was his stepfather. And if someone wanted to get rid of him forever somehow, that was Sid. 

The fat bastard saying yes and quickly finding where Richard Lawrence had gone hadn’t come as a surprise, paying Johnny the trip to Illinois had, and now he was a few steps and a knock away to know.

Yet—

He had never missed the little cross as much as he did during that trip.

Johnny had gotten used to touching it every time he felt a certain way— if he was nervous or unsure, if he was anxious or scared, he would just touch it and feel real again.

He had lost it somewhere between All-Valley and graduation day, always saying he was to replace it and never doing it.

Right now, as he looked at the house, he missed it deeply.

That first day, he walked away.

He found a bar and wasted money he didn’t really have in cheap drinks, everything was good just to keep his mind off that white fence and the guy with brunette hair that had sat two seats away from Johnny at the bar.

The man gave him a once over, Johnny watched him between drinks and wondered if—could he just hit on a guy like he usually does with girls? He was in another state where nobody knew him, he could just—

At the end, he went to sleep alone and drunker than he’d ever been.

On the next two days, Johnny would walk around and stop to look at the house for a few seconds until he decided to leave, then hit the bar and see that same man all night. 

It wasn’t until the fourth day when he finally did  _ something _ , when a kid talked to him.

“Are you lost?” A boy asked him, looking up with big blue eyes. “Do you need any help?”

“I’m okay, kiddo.” Johnny answered, there was something familiar in the child. 

He looked at Johnny for several seconds before shrugging and walking past him, walking to the house he had been meaning to visit. _Of_ _course_. 

Johnny was about to turn away and never come back when the door opened, and a woman carrying a small baby came out to welcome her child.

They looked at each other for a moment, Johnny swallowed as he tried to run once again when the lady called him.

“Are you looking for someone, sweetie?” She asked from her front door, the kindness of her tone made him want to puke.

“No, I— I was just passing by!” He answered, but then, a blond man was at the door and that was it.

Johnny looked at him. At his normal looking ass with his boring clothes and lame short hair, his reading glasses and beer gut.

This man was his father.

Richard looked at him with a frown, asked his wife who it was, then decided to walk towards him when she couldn’t answer his question, frowning even deeper the closer he got.

“Can I help you, young man?”

His hands became fists, his eyes fixated on Richard and all questions he had in mind came all at once, Johnny could taste the venom of his pain in the tip of his tongue.

This man— this fucking normal guy— had left his mother and married some other lady. Johnny had a stepmother and siblings, he had a baby sister if the little pink bean in the woman’s arms was it.

And this guy—

His father didn’t recognize him.

“No.” Johnny shook his head. “No, I was just walking by, sir.”

“Oh—“ Richard smiled at him. “Sorry to bother you, man.”

Johnny nodded, putting his hands inside the pockets of his jacket and walking away. He could feel his father’s eyes on him and before he could cross the street, he heard him again.

“ _ John _ ?” 

He had said his name softly, small and weak, clearly scared and surprised.

In his head, Johnny saw himself not turning around. He saw himself leaving and never seeing his father again.

But he had to ask Sid for this favor, fly to Illinois thanks to the fat bastard, knowing not having Sid and his mother’s monetary help was going to change his lifestyle drastically, all for nothing if he didn’t turn around. 

He had been here to meet his father, and so Johnny turned and looked at him.

“My God, it really it’s you!” He laughed, Johnny swallowed and felt his body tense. “You are so tall! And big!”

The excitement in the man was raising bile to his throat, but Johnny kept his fists in his pockets and himself as tall as ever, quiet as the man walked towards him and they stood right in front of the other.

It only took a look for Richard to understand that this was no television reunion with tears and hugs. That he wasn’t  _ dad _ , and he wasn’t that guy Johnny could talk about with pride.

He was the guy that left a young woman alone with a son, no money or even a place of their own. He was the guy that abandoned them.

Richard’s smile died down, but his eyes turned soft, nodding at Johnny’s tall frame and moving aside to let him in.

“Come have dinner, we can talk better inside. It’s getting cold!” 

Unsure of why he did it, Johnny stepped in and went into the house, surprised to find Nora knew his name, that he and George shared the name ‘Henry’, and that little Claire seemed to like him so much, he was the only person she didn’t cry with when he held her.

Nora treated him like if they were expecting him, smiled wide and so kind, it made Johnny hate her and everyone in this house.

His father was still the guy that left them for this family. He was still the guy that never called, never looked back. And the bastard was  _ happy _ . 

Richard had married a gentle woman and had happy children with her, while Laura had married a monster and raised him. Him the loser, the violent man that made her cry every time he ended up screaming with Sid.

_ “I wasn’t ready” _ , “ _ I felt scared” _ , “ _ you’ll understand one day when you become a father” _ and every other excuse Richard gave him as they sat in the living room when his wife took the children upstairs to sleep, all of them numbed him until Johnny couldn’t feel more anger anymore.

At the end, everything he once heard from his mother was right: that his dad hadn’t meant to just leave, that he had been scared— they were so young when Johnny was born, they had been scared for the longest time.

Except, his mom never left him. Didn’t matter how hard, how difficult, and how dark it got. She never gave up.

They fed him, told him he could come back any time and stay, gave him a phone number to call, a polaroid with the kids, and promised to show him the pictures Nora took during the entire time he was there. 

Richard walked him to the front, waited for the taxi they have called with him in spite of the cold, and Johnny looked at him, deciding maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe he could come back here sometime, get to know his siblings—

“Look at you…” Richard said with a proud smile, squeezing Johnny’s bicep. “Tall and strong, just like your grandfather.”

He frowned, heart stopping at his words. “The guy that kicked you out for getting my mom pregnant?”

The man chuckled, his laugh sounded sick. Richard shook his head, smiling at Johnny.

“Henry Lawrence is my own problem.” He said, Johnny felt himself frown deeper. “But you should be proud, Johnny. Look at you! Really a Lawrence! I bet you get women like a rockstar!”

Johnny blinked a couple of times, suddenly seeing it— the man his father had been when he got Laura pregnant. That repugnant kid that takes and takes, that charms his way in with a sweet girl that just wants to be loved, then leaves.

Was he this man, too? Was Johnny to become a true Lawrence, hateful and violent like Henry, absent and disgusting like Richard? 

He smiled awkwardly at his father as they said goodbye, barely hugged back when the men insisted before letting him go into the cab.

Johnny promised to come back, but— He never did.

Instead, he walked into that bar and looked around until his eyes landed on the man he’d been looking at since night one.

The man looked at him, smiling slightly as Johnny walked towards him. He sat down in front with the best smile he could muster in that moment.

“Hey.” The man said, Johnny’s mouth felt like sand but he kept going.

“Hey, you.” He said, he had big doe eyes and brown hair in soft waves. “I’ve seen you every night this week. I’m Connor.”

_Fuck_ _it_. Who would tell him off? No one was home, nothing was coming.

“Johnny.”

Flirting with this guy revealed him something new, brought back memories of little pecks that ended in tears and best friends that were so beautiful, so loyal—

And big brown eyes looking into his, soft brunette hair, sweet lips that are learning to kiss.

Who would tell him not to think of it?

He didn’t tell Connor he had never been with a man before, Johnny just kissed him in his hotel room and let him undress him. He watched him open himself for him, and Johnny had felt good with himself every time the man moaned his name loudly as he pounded into him.

It made him think of the showers in school, of the dreams that still followed, the kiss he treasured in his head.

When they were done and Connor was leaning on his chest, Johnny thought of Henry Lawrence kicking out his kid, and Richard Lawrence running away from his home without looking back. He thought of his cross, the only gift his father gave him, and of his father calling him a real Lawrence.

“Who is it?”

“Uhm?” Johnny looked down at the guy making patterns on his skin.

Connor looked up at him with a knowing smile. “The guy you’ve been thinking about since you kissed me.”

_ You’re no fun. _

“I didn’t—”

“Yes, you have!” He laughed, lifting himself a little to look at Johnny’s face. “That’s alright… we can play with that.”

He frowned, but looked at the man anyway. “How’s that?”

“What’s his name?” He smiled.

_ You’re alright, LaRusso. _

“Daniel.” 

“I’ll be Daniel, then.” He declared. “But when we are done, you’re gonna be my hot as fuck gym teacher. I always wanted to get railed up by that guy.”

Johnny laughed, moving in the bed to face this ridiculous man completely. 

This was different from anything he ever did with women, he was… he nodded, biting his bottom lip. 

No one had to know, LaRusso would never know. If he had let him get away with watching him in the showers all those years ago, then Johnny would let himself have this— and Daniel would never know.

Maybe fucking him out of his system would help, that was what he thought as he thrusted into Connor again.

He thought that LaRusso would look so good under him, face twisting in pleasure as Johnny filled him nicely. That he would probably call him John and be talkative as always, wonderfully loud, stronger than the guy currently on all fours in front of him.

Daniel would be looking at him, would mark his back with his nails, his neck with his lips.

He almost told Connor to call him John, almost told him to be louder, to not stop talking until they were spent. Instead, Johnny fucked hard into him, biting his shoulder as the many dreams came to mind.

_ Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel _

“Fuck!”

The line was crossed. Ever since that trophy, there was no line anymore.

* * *

When Daniel’s father died, it felt like the world wasn’t the same even when everything had kept its rhythm as usual. Eventually, so did his and his mother’s lives, and he learned to smile and nod when someone expressed their sorrys at his loss.

Most of them didn’t really mean what they said, but it was the polite thing to do, and so Daniel was polite back, and the conversation kept going.

When he and his mom moved away, one of the things Daniel missed the most, was visiting his father’s grave when he felt lost.

His father couldn’t tell him what to do, but talking to him had felt like catharsis of some sort, and Daniel had missed it in the first months in California until he found himself asking all these questions and telling all these stories to Mr. Miyagi.

The man had funny english. His every day was different from Daniel’s, and the way they dealt with loneliness and problems was different, but he still listened to him and advised him best when Lucille couldn’t.

It was no surprise they would become closer as their lessons became more than a practice, and so karate became part of Daniel’s life in a way he could never explain to anyone. Nobody understood what it meant for him to be able to breathe in and out, know the movements of each kata and the meaning behind everything Mr. Miyagi had given him with the pass of the years.

He was so immersed in that world, he forgot what it felt like to see his father’s name in a grave. He forgot what it felt like to see his own name in the ground under a grey sky in the cold.

“It’s been a while…” Lucille sighed, brushing leaves off Daniel LaRusso Sr’s plaque. “At least your aunt has kept it clean, isn’t it? Come on, we have to polish it.”

Daniel nodded, getting on his knees on the grass as he moved with his mother to clean up and polish his father’s plaque, a plaque he hadn’t seen in so many years, he almost forgot it existed.

It made him think of the year they moved, and how hard it had been at first, how much he wished his father was around so they wouldn’t have had to move in the first place, and how slowly all those thoughts disappeared with time and the way the wind ran in the city.

They had all been replaced with the rest of his life. Finishing school, listening to his mom and Mr. Miyagi rant about college, the girls that came and went, the nights when he wondered why he kept the little red box of cigarettes that had no ciggies in them, hidden between all his things, like a nasty secret he could never tell anyone.

Daniel blinked back tears, he hadn’t cried for his father in a long time, but standing alone in front of his grave as his mother walked away, hiding her own sadness, time became a blur and he felt like standing in that room where his dad lay down during his last weeks, where he had died in his sleep.

“I have an empty box of cigarettes.” He told him. His voice wasn’t that of a boy anymore, his face had gained lines and a stronger jaw. “It has a gold chain that doesn’t belong to me…” 

Daniel was twentyseven years old, had gone to college, had a small apartment he rented all on his own, worked well in a used-cars lot, and had a nice girlfriend. And yet, all he could tell his father that afternoon, was the golden chain that wasn’t his and that he kept like a treasure. A little haunted object from a time that felt like a dream.

“I’m into guys.” He had told the grave as he was telling Mr. Miyagi the morning he came back to their city. “I’ve never told that to anyone…” He sighed, looking up at his teacher whose neutral expression never changed. “I like girls, too! I obviously  _ love _ Kim—“

“Miyagi knows, Daniel-san.” The man said, his voice sounded so firm and calm, Daniel felt himself tremble. “Always knows.”

Of course he would. If anyone would know, if anyone would understand, it was Mr. Miyagi.

“I’m sorry…” Daniel started to say, even when he didn’t know why, as Mr. Miyagi moved towards him. “I’m sorry, I don’t— I didn’t want to— just, just—“ 

All he could remember was his face against Mr. Miyagi’s chest as the man shushed him with a gentle hand on his back and the other in his hair. 

Daniel remembered the relief it caused him, to have his mentor on his side, never questioning him beyond what was said that afternoon, not even on why he had said that apparently out of nowhere.

Years later, as he felt like his life was falling apart, he would remember this. He would remember this and wish Mr. Miyagi was there, that he could have been on his side again and make him feel like he was home after all.

He’ll never get used to it, he’ll never get used to Mr. Miyagi’s absence.

**VIII**

Becoming a father had felt like a mistake.

From the moment his mother died, he knew everything else would just fall apart and so, he stayed in that diner, numb from drinking.

If Laura could see him, she would have dragged him to that hospital, and would have yelled at him. But that was the whole thing, she wasn’t and she’ll never have that she wanted so much, to see grandchildren she could love and spoil.

The one thing he could give his mother, and out of nowhere— she was gone.

Robby was born like any other kid, crying and kicking, but unlike other children, he never stopped. 

It was almost as if he had been born angry, knowing the fuck up parents he was given, knowing how the story would go and how much he and Shannon would fail him and keep on failing him until he’d find his way alone.

And yet— before the kid was able to tell all this, when things weren’t so dark, the truth was that Robby had been full of sunshine.

From his most sober years, Johnny remembered Robby capable of recognizing him among wide crowds like the puppy he was, waving his hand happily and jumping as he called out for him.

Shannon hated it when he called him  _ pup _ , but the kid seemed to like it and would run around the apartment when Johnny visited, showing him all his toys, all his drawings and every single thing he could find.

To Robby, there was nothing in the world that was more important than his dad’s visit and so, Johnny kept every toy and every drawing, and every Father’s Day letter and card. 

He kept it all, these little haunted treasures from days when he tried, days when Robby wouldn’t know the kind of shit Johnny and Shannon would tell to each other, when he would easily forgive his parents for the fuckery they’ve done.

When it was easy to take him for the weekend, let him watch his old movies late at night, when it was just the two of them and Robby would climb him up without a word, finding his place over Johnny’s lap and his back against his chest.

“Are you scared?” He remembered the kid asking once, when he let him watch Poltergeist even though he was around six years old.

The boy had never been afraid of anything.

Johnny had blinked, looking at the screen and then at his pup who had once again climbed him and was currently comfortable with his back against his chest while watching the scary movie without showing signs of fear.

Back then, he was between sobriety and the days when he couldn’t remember he had a son, and what his mother’s name was— between forgetting there was nothing hanging from his neck and being very aware of it.

So, he surprised himself by answering with honesty. “A little.”

And Robby surprised him by distractedly putting a hand on his cheek, the kid liked the feeling of his stubble and passed his hand gently over it without taking his eyes away from the TV.

“I’ll protect you, daddy.”

Not for the first time, emotions overwhelmed him and Johnny felt like wanting to run. But Robby kept caressing his cheek, luring himself to sleep before the movie was over and he found himself not wanting to move from this.

Here where he could live happy forever, with his son sleeping against his chest. Here where the way his heart ached finally felt good and none of it felt like a mistake.

Years later, he’ll think of that night and wonder if Robby even remembered it, if he ever realized Johnny hadn’t been talking about the movie at all. 

He’ll watch his son, now almost a man, as he laughed and kicked a football with somebody else’s kid, and wonder if he’ll ever be able to fix this, to somehow go back to that time, where he wanted to live forever in his child’s presence.

Robby would look at him then, blinking as curiosity filled his green eyes, slowly smiling before leaving the ball as the other kid protested, firmly walking towards Johnny.

He couldn’t climb his father anymore like when he was a toddler, and Johnny hadn’t called him his pup for years, but the boy stood in front of him and the air between them felt light, it overwhelmed him.

“Are you okay, dad?”

But this time, Johnny didn’t run.

“Yep.” He sighed before signaling the inside of the familiar house. “Is he there?”

Robby nodded, his little knowing smile would be annoying if it wasn’t so adorable. He was still so much like a little puppy, it was incredible. 

“You want me to go with you?” 

_ I’ll protect you, daddy. _

Johnny nodded again and couldn’t help but smile when he felt his son half-hugging him, standing there for a few seconds with his cheek against his chest like when he was a child, before sighing and walking him inside the house.

His heart ached good again, and none of all that had happened felt like a mistake at last.

* * *

Sam was born the most precious baby, red faced and with the biggest eyes Daniel had ever seen.

His mother had been over the moon and he knew there wasn’t a more loved and more wanted baby in the world than Samantha LaRusso.

She had been a quiet baby and had learned to laugh easily, making those first months of her life a dream Daniel went back to many times as she grew older.

When she was born, he forgot the red box existed and how old Mr. Miyagi was. He forgot all the other things that were starting to blossom into their lives and all the things he used to constantly dream of, even when he had been happily married and successful.

For the first time he had no doubts, Daniel could lay on his bed with his baby at his side and watch her sleep and nothing else mattered but the rise and fall of her chest.

He remembered the way her curls would jump as she walked inside Mr. Miyagi’s house and how loudly she would talk to  _ Ojichan _ , asking for more stories of when her papa was young and had won the trophies in their house.

She had been a natural at karate, had liked to be in the dojo with her dad. And then— Mr. Miyagi passed away.

In the most painful days after he went, Daniel locked himself in the home that raised him, crying alone as he realized just how empty his heart felt without him.

He would lay down facing the ceiling in the dark, tears running down his face and would recollect every lesson and every hardship, and every laugh they shared there.

At the end, dust covered the place as it covered the dojo in his house, as it had covered the box he hadn’t sought in years.

It looked somehow smaller in his hands, he had forgotten it was just a cigarettes box, the first of his haunted objects.

“What is that, daddy?” Sam asked, looking over his shoulder.

They had taken Mr. Miyagi’s box of memories to the dojo that was now just a museum of memories and other things they refused to throw away. Sam had wanted to help, she always wanted to help, and at age ten she was closer to Daniel than ever.

“It’s a little secret.” He said, shaking the box over his open palm until he felt the little velvet bag and the weight of the chain.

Sam gasped, Daniel’s heart beat faster once the chain was out the bag and the cross lay on his palm. His daughter watched it for a few seconds, blinking twice before looking at him, but Daniel kept his eyes on the cross and passed his thumb over it before swallowing.

“Is it _Ojichan_ ’s?” She asked. 

Daniel shook his head. “No.” He sighed, putting it back where it belonged, among other memories and things he couldn’t say out loud. “No, it’s… it’s a secret. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

If she ever thought of it, Daniel couldn’t tell and Sam never asked again. 

Only once he caught her in the dojo, searching for something between all the boxes where he had hid the cross all those years ago, and as their eyes crossed without a word, Daniel knew she had been looking for it.

The cross had been moved months before, it had ended first in a drawer at his office in Encino Oaks and then back in Mr. Miyagi’s house, where it would end around Daniel’s wrist or spinning between his fingers when he needed to be alone.

Somehow, his daughter had known it meant something nobody in the house that wasn’t home knew about. She had realized, maybe with his silences and the way he would never stop talking about certain person, that the chain had never been Daniel’s.

That it had a name in the back of it, one name. Daniel passed his thumb over it, asking himself why he never gave it back, knowing well he never had an excuse.

**IX**

LaRusso was everywhere one morning, and he never went away.

Each day, Johnny would wake up and follow the same routine of drinking and working, living one day at a time, not really looking forward to anything but going back to sleep. And then one day, as he was driving to work in the morning, Daniel LaRusso’s voice filled his brain from the radio.

His face was in billboards and then the fucking TV, like a curse Johnny would never escape unless he moved away and never turned back.

But all he had was his estranged son that didn’t talk to him, and the place to be was exactly here, same as ever, waiting for something to happen or for time to go by.

So, when he saw LaRusso’s face in the card he was given, knowing his damn car had ended in the hands of the man that reminded him of just how badly everything had turned out, Johnny couldn’t help but wonder once again if karma wasn’t supposed to be fair.

He had paid for what he’d done. Couldn’t at least the distance between him and this man stay as it was?

But his touch was strong, his voice too loud, his smile too bright.

Johnny had found himself at loss of words as Daniel greeted him loudly in the middle of his dealership as if they had been friends who hadn’t seen each other in years.

His excitement was such, it reminded Johnny of prom night and everything he had blocked of it— like the way LaRusso had held him with both hands around Johnny’s biceps so he wouldn’t fall on his face.

It reminded him of the beach and the taste of salt, the way Daniel had liked to invade his personal space in between the months before the tournament, Wuthering Heights under the sun, the school showers, and how the two of them had hated their suits for prom and held each other’s eyes in the dark, like in the dreams Johnny used to have of them.

Their fingers touched as LaRusso passed him his stupid little tree. He was still smiling, still looking at him as if All-Valley and prom were in the past and they were new men that could be friendly to each other.

All Johnny could think about as he carried the tree was Ali’s soft “shit” that ended prom night.

He dropped the tree, and decided he had enough.

* * *

Daniel’s heart hadn’t stopped beating since he recognized Johnny Lawrence and acted like a giddy highschooler with a crush.

His eyes closed, he started to breathe slowly in the privacy of his office after Sam left and he’d been alone at last.

_ In-and-out, in-and-out. _

“Come on, what’s happening?” He murmured to himself, putting a hand where his heart’s beat had slowed down but still echoed around his body hard and heavy. 

Daniel could feel the hit of it against his chest each time, how alive it felt today and how much this had to do with the guy that tormented him for months during his senior year.

“Fuck…”

His eyes closed, back against his chair as Daniel tried to clear out his mind and stop worrying for things he had refused to acknowledge for years. He had the temptation of opening his left drawer and take out the red box, finally throwing it into the trash and closing that chapter of his life.

Instead, he swallowed and tried to think of anything else  _ but _ John Henry Lawrence.

It didn’t work.

Johnny was now a man. Still stoic and quiet as he had been, taller than him, and with the bluest eyes he had ever seen( _ —He had Sam and Amanda, they have blue eyes, they—) _ _.  _ His hair was still shining golden, still looking soft( _ —he knew Johnny’s hair had been soft, he had his fingers in it during prom, he  _ knew—) .

_ John _ , broad back and hard biceps, pink lips and big hands.

Daniel breathed in, imagined his thumb caressing the name behind the cross, something he hadn’t done in years, and breathed out while opening his eyes, all finally quiet.

John was a man now, like him, and they were world aparts as they had always been. The next time he saw him, Daniel decided he'd finally give him back the cross. 

He had enough.

**X**

Every morning, things shifted.

It had started small as the dojo grew, as Miguel became better, as the ever present curse of Daniel LaRusso became a bigger cloud in Johnny’s life. He should have seen the tempest coming, that none of this was ever going to end well because nothing ever did for him.

The last look Robby gave him after the tournament was one of resentment, and then LaRusso was there. It reminded him of somewhere else, not All-Valley, but the school’s dance— looking at the boy Daniel had been, seeming lost and always so lonely while standing by, waiting for Ali to finish talking with her friends.

He thought of it all night as he was laying on his bed, never feeling good about Miguel’s win and what it meant for Cobra Kai, and for him.

Johnny’s mind kept slipping into that memory of Jimmy dragging Tommy to talk to LaRusso, then slowly walking towards their table where Bobby had been sucking face with his girlfriend and Dutch had ditched them for another girl.

All night, as they sat together at the same table, LaRusso had looked at him as if expecting him to say something. They barely crossed words directly, and he had just lamely waved at Johnny when Ali wanted out.

Then the parking lot. Then Ali’s house.

Daniel often did that now. Look at him in expectation, waiting to see if Johnny had anything to say to him, but never satisfied with his words when it happened.

It was hard to just exist and dwell with a man like him around; always ten steps ahead of Johnny and yet critical of his every breath as if he expected him to be exactly the same kid he’d been when they met but at the same time a better man.

He thought of that night as well as they sat together with beautiful women that cared about them, and yet their eyes and attention were on each other once more. 

It had become harder to pretend all there was between them was the past and all things ugly, that he didn’t know there was a thin line they could easily erase for things to become something beyond, because years ago they had crossed it already.

Carmen still smiled at him, still tried to make that night theirs and Johnny followed. 

Like many times before, he just followed whatever was happening as he tried to be that better man. Dancing and drinking with these people, as if they’ve been old friends, getting to know this beautiful woman who had opened the door of her house to him and invited him in. 

The logical thing would have been to stay. 

It would have been to kiss Carmen good night and the next day have breakfast together, and soon invite her to stay in the apartment, slowly move things forward until they could get their kids together. Maybe Miguel could befriend Robby one day, maybe they could be brothers.

But Johnny only said good night to her, closed the door of his apartment as he thought of someone else and all the things they said that night as he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon.

He closed the door and did what he knew best: ruin his own chances, go for what will never be.

Johnny closed the door and waited.

* * *

Years before he met Johnny again, Amanda had wanted out.

She had wanted out when his heart couldn’t beat for her as fast as it used to, when he was feeling so lonely in spite of not being alone, she had accepted to train with him and learn karate.

They had ended up conceiving Anthony, and to this day, Daniel still wished Mr. Miyagi had been there to see him and Sam grow older, enjoying those grandfather privileges he often bragged about when there was only Sam and he was still able to follow her around the house.

But Mr. Miyagi wasn’t there to help Daniel anymore, and so a few years after he passed, Daniel had wanted out and his mother had convinced him that LaRussos don’t give up, they get their shit together and fix it.

Daniel couldn’t take it anymore, he snapped at his mother as if he was a teenager again.

“Yeah? And that’s why we gave up on Loretta? Or are we pretending she doesn’t exist?” He had asked, making Lucille look at him with wide open eyes. “You guys left her the moment you realized she’s gay and you couldn’t fix it.”

“Daniel,”

“No, no.” He said, swallowing as he ran from his own living room where his mother had trapped him into conversation. “I’m tired of the hypocrisy. I’m tired of pretending it’s normal to “fix” people as if they were objects, especially when they don’t want to be fixed.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing to fix!”

They couldn’t change who they were for this, they couldn’t stop time from passing and feelings from changing. Daniel knew Amanda had reasons enough for wanting out. He knew they could get used to the change too, and so they tried, and kept trying every day like anybody else in their place did.

Their lives together were too close for it to be lost. 

He had thought of them as  _ it _ , forever and ever. 

It was what his mother had taught him and it was what Daniel had planned to do when he didn’t take a prenup, when they built their little empire together, when he decided to leave out a few details of his youth he was sure she had figured out by now.

Amanda had reasons enough for wanting out, the secrets in that dojo being a major part of it. The dishonesty it brought, slowly burning the edges until there was nothing else to take. And if he had been honest since the beginning, maybe if he had talked to someone about it, Daniel could have let go.

He could have understood himself, maybe if he saw that someone loved him in spite of what scared him so much as a kid, he could have had it all.

But he didn’t.

Just like he didn’t answer when she asked him if something else had happened between him and Johnny aside from the tournament, when he lied again when Sam asked what had happened between him and Ali, when he sat opposite to Johnny in that restaurant and only looked at him in spite having the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with right in front of him.

In the last attempt at saving things, they spoke quietly and calmly, whispering secrets that had taken strong root in his body and felt like just a part of him as once Amanda had felt years ago.

She looked at him, eyes soft and understanding, as he talked about Loretta and her magazines, and how he had felt when he realized his cousin was trying to make him say things he couldn’t accept to feel because he had been taught differently.

Boys don’t like other boys, they don’t kiss them in the showers, nor they dream of each other on the beach, don’t keep memories from lives together they didn’t have. 

He was fifty two years old and the only living person that knew the half of this had been left behind by his own family. Daniel was fifty two years old and he had said it out loud just twice, and that night made thrice, even if he didn’t have a proper name for it.

“So… I guess, I mean I know it means— I like men.” He swallowed, Amanda nodded as if she had been expecting that and more. “When I was—I  _ liked _ Johnny for a while after the tournament. But nothing ever happened, of course! And it wasn’t serious, he had just been the first guy to be actually  _ nice  _ to me, and he had—”

There was another lie, another kept secret. His wife looked at him expecting, blinking a couple of times as Daniel searched for a way to say it next. But at the end, he went with the same.

“He had just been polite to me, it confused me. I know I sound like a complete insensitive asshole right now, but I swear when we were kids he was… well.”

“Handsome?”

_ He’s gorgeous!,  _ Ali’s friends had said when they thought Daniel couldn’t hear them.

“I was confused.” He sighed. “That was all.”

Amanda looked at him in silence in her underwear and half her make up gone. There were tears welled up in her blue eyes, a phone ringing in the room, but none of them moved to see it.

“Are you in love with him?”

_ Which one do you like, Daniel? Point to him on the page! _

“What?” Daniel felt breathless, shaking his head vigorously, trying to make a point. “God, Amanda— I don’t even know him! You-you-you know I don’t!”

“Why are you still lying to me?” She choked on her own voice, shaking her head as she went back into the bathroom and Daniel stayed standing in the middle of their room. 

He heard the water run, Amanda cleaning her nose then going back to finish cleaning her face. 

Slowly, he walked to the door and leaned on it, watching his and Amanda’s reflection in the mirror, what they’ve become.

“I know you.” She said, her face was now make up free, looking at his face in the mirror. “You told me you loved me just a week into dating, and I don’t believe you when you say you don’t know him.”

“Mandy, you can’t compare a kid’s crush to what we have!”

_ You’re all right, LaRusso. _

She turned around and watched him with a frown for what felt like forever. His heart was beating so fast, he could barely feel it.

Finally, Amanda spoke again. “Do you love him?”

“Amanda…” He sighed deeply, so tired. “This is ridiculous.”

“Why can’t you just say no?” She said, voice so tiny and filled with pain.

_ You beat me. _

Daniel opened his mouth but nothing came out of it. They just looked at each other, the mess they have become, and that was it. All the things he didn’t have a name for were pushing themselves in his head, pulsing painfully as words he heard once before came back.

Amanda walked away, he stood in the bathroom thinking of his father’s grave and Mr. Miyagi’s house after he died and before the dojo, under dust and darkness. Still in time, waiting for something. But Daniel never knew what.

He held himself with his hands on the sink, eyes looking at his fingers. 

The house where he became a man was alive now, clean every day, in movement. 

After Mr. Miyagi passed away, he felt empty and always alone in spite of having a beautiful house full of the people he loved the most. 

He felt alone in their company, missing bits of himself that were handed around the Encino house, his office and Mr. Miyagi’s place. Then, one morning Daniel decided to stay at the Dealership when Amanda asked him to go somewhere else. He turned when he caught someone familiar from the corner of his eyes, and something awoke.

Johnny had looked out of place, every second more annoyed as Daniel spoke and they were interrupted. He saw him and just like the summer when they first met, Daniel moved. 

He put a hand over his mouth, looking at himself in the mirror.

_ Bad boys are better. Rebels, Daniel. People you can have adventures with! Someone that completes you, balances you, someone that fits. _

Ever since he came back to his life, Daniel’s actions were an answer to Johnny’s. Every excuse was good to see him, every little thing was good to antagonize him. He had crossed many lines, hurt people just to hurt Johnny, and he—

_ Hey, _

_ Hi. _

He wasn’t sure when and how he left the house, all he remembered was looking at Amanda one last time as he walked past the pool and she was at the window on the second floor, closing it. 

She closed the window, and Daniel was leaving.

**XI**

He was about to call it a night when someone knocked at the door, and everything changed.

Johnny never saw it coming. That his son, this kid that was so good and kind, would think him a better man than he was by taking his girlfriend here, thinking of the little apartment as a safe place for them.

He watched him and his puppy dog eyes, the way he took care of her, how worried he was.

The girl was trashed beyond recognition. Whatever had gone through her mind as she drank must have hurt, and Johnny watched as Robby, the son of an addict and an alcoholic, took care of her better than anybody ever cared for himself or his parents.

He had the girl sleep in the bed, Robby on the larger couch, and he spent most of the night wide awake, thinking of all that had happened in the last hours and how he would tell LaRusso about this, how the kids would take it.

Johnny could understand Samantha’s fear. Getting drunk for the first time was always an experience nobody wants their parents to know. But one day, this little moment would come up and it could blow up on their faces.

Where he was standing with Daniel now was different, it was… closer to that thin line that separated this between rivalry and whatever was beyond it, the side they were touching so slowly ever since All-Valley.

He saw it in his smile and the way he shook his hand, he saw it in Amanda’s face as they left, in Carmen’s when they said goodnight.

This hadn’t been new starts, it had been farwells and moving forward with things that had sparked a long time ago.

He fell asleep with a headache, and woke up to something drilling into his head.

Johnny opened his eyes to the darkness of his place, the soft snores coming from his kid and the city always awake outside. 

Someone was knocking at the door. Frowning, he stood and looked at his watch, it was almost four in the damn morning.

Without thinking, he opened the door and stared at whoever was on the other side.

“Hey…” He blinked once, then twice. 

Daniel LaRusso opened his mouth, then closed it with a click.

“Hi.” He answered after a while.

Johnny got out of the apartment, hoping the kids wouldn’t wake up. The last thing he needed right now was a pissed off LaRusso —in what looked like his pajamas and an open hoodie— barking in the building when everyone was still asleep. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, brain feeling like soup.

Daniel crossed his arms over his chest, shrugging as he looked anywhere but at Johnny. 

After a few seconds, Johnny incisted. “How the hell do you know where I live?”

“Uh,” He cleared his throat. “Robby told me a while back.”

It made sense. The awkwardness every time his son was brought up also made sense. Johnny sighed and leaned his back on the closed door, waiting.

“I need to talk to you.”

He finally looked up, his eyes were clear like the day and Johnny swallowed. It reminded him of something else, but he wasn’t so sure. He bit the inside of his cheek before nodding.

“Sure, step into the office.” He signaled his car, slowly walking towards it as LaRusso chuckled behind him.

“Why not just get inside?”

Their kids were sleeping there. Knowing them, they may wake them up and cause more drama if LaRusso saw his daughter there in the estate she was in. Johnny shrugged to the man, palming the hood of his car at his side.

“Less things to break.”

He only rolled his eyes and finally leaned into the Challenger at Johnny’s side. They stayed like that for several seconds, maybe a minute. For the first time, the silence between them felt light, even with LaRusso playing with something inside his sweatpants’ pocket.

“So…?”

“Is Robby here?” He asked, Johnny sighed deeply as he closed his eyes. “Guess that’s a yes.”

“How did you know?”

“I guessed.” He admitted. “I went to see him in his room, but he wasn’t there.” LaRusso looked at him, Johnny stared back. “I’m glad he’s here, he needs his dad.”

“Really?” Johnny chuckled, rubbing his closed eyes with his fingers. “Is that what you came to tell me at four in the morning?”

“Part of…” He said, loudly swallowing. Johnny looked at him again, but LaRusso kept his eyes on the ground. “It has been a weird night…”

“Tell me about it…”

“I think I’m getting a divorce.” 

From all the things he thought Daniel would tell him, that was definitely not one of them. 

Johnny blinked a couple of times, thinking of what was he supposed to say here, especially when his heart was beating fast in his chest and he was biting his bottom lip inside his mouth to stop himself from smiling.

This was another level of shitty, he really needed to calm down. Johnny took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Sorry to hear that, you guys looked alright last night.”

The man nodded at his side. “Not really… It’s complicated. We’ve been having problems for years. Just lately it’s been more and more obvious, so…”

“Yeah.”

LaRusso nodded again. It was strange to have him around this chill, it didn’t sit right with him. Johnny licked his lips, ready to say whatever just to end this silence when Daniel finally looked at him.

“John?” He said. Johnny closed his mouth and waited. “Do you remember that chain with the cross you always wore when we were kids?”

Johnny frowned. The mention of his name didn’t help the surprise he felt at the question. He nodded slowly and watched the man as he moved to stand in front of him.

A wave of anxiety went through his body the second he saw him take something from his sweatpants’ pocket. It shone against the street’s light and his eyes opened wide, recognizing the chain even when he couldn’t see the cross that he was sure was laying on LaRusso’s open palm.

He was looking at it, passing his thumb over before sighing and looking right into Johnny’s eyes as he lifted his hand towards him, giving him the object.

Johnny stood with his eyes on Daniel, slowly looking down at his hand until he finally saw it, the small cross his father bought him when he had been just a newborn. It looked as good as new in this man’s hand, obviously cared for, and for a second something else flashed in his head:

Parking in front of Ali’s house, talking to him, kissing him. LaRusso’s hand on his breast pocket. He had something there that night, he had tried to speak to Johnny more than once the week of the prom.

“You had it all this time?” He asked, unable to recognize his own voice. Air had left his lungs, his throat was closing. Johnny had no idea what he was feeling as he took the cross and looked it over between his fingers. “Why…?”

“It fell near the showers in school…” LaRusso answered, Johnny turned the cross and saw the name. 

John Henry. 

His half brother also had the Henry name, Shannon had originally wanted Robby to be called Henry but Johnny never met Henry Lawrence in the first place, the man had abandoned his son the moment he announced his girlfriend was pregnant, and he never understood why Richard had given both his sons the name of the father that left him.

Robby didn’t deserve to carry that.

“I looked for this like crazy…” Johnny murmured.

Even now, his fingers would look for the cross on his neck. It had become a comfort thing, something Johnny touched to feel real when he wasn’t happy with the moment. And all this time, that comfort was in Daniel’s hands.

“I’m sorry, I just…” LaRusso shook his head, looking down before chuckling. “Uh, after prom I thought I could use it as an excuse to talk to you, but—“

“Why didn't you?” He asked, looking back at the man in front of him.

This fucking little thief.

He looked up, putting his hands in the pockets of his open hoodie. “John…”

There it was, that thing without a name. The unspoken kiss, the way they looked at each other. 

He’d been sober but sad the day he decided he had enough, the night he went out and actually flirted with that part of him he had shushed since he was a child.

Johnny remembered every one of the faces of the men he’d liked, the ones he kissed, those he fucked. But he never stopped long enough to remember why he had liked them in the first place, he never was brave enough to say it out loud.

Except for one. The only one he had told Shannon about, drunk out of his mind, but still important enough to be discussed with the one person he stayed with for longer than anybody else, the mother of his child.

And he was standing right in front of him, awkward as ever with crystal clear eyes that had obviously been crying earlier that night, giving him back the one thing he had missed the most from his younger years.

“I was kind of in shock when I found it. Like I said, it fell near the showers, we were—“

“The showers.” Johnny blinked a couple of times, suddenly aware of why Daniel had brought up this at four in the morning, why he had opened conversation by saying he was divorcing.

He gave a step front, LaRusso didn’t move. They kept eye contact, and Johnny decided to bet on them.

“The day you sneaked on me jerking off?”

Wide open doe eyes stared at him, his face had gone pale and he was about to run. So, Johnny took him by his waist, holding him firm to reality.

“Johnny, let—“

“No. Don’t run.” He swallowed. “You came here this early with this, why?”

“It was an accident—“ Daniel defended himself. “I didn’t mean to do that, I was in shock. And I left as soon as my brain started to work again.”

“When I finished?” He arched an eyebrow. “Princess, you ran like a man on fire. I thought it was one of your weird ways to try and piss me off.”

“I wasn’t weird, Johnny!”

“This is all you are getting from this?” Johnny chuckled. “You’re confessing to have watched a guy jerk off if the school showers, and your attention goes to a small comment about your ways of calling my attention when we were kids?”

LaRusso blinked, still looking frightened and as confused as Johnny was feeling. Except— he was euphoric now. All he could think about was that line that had been fading ever since that trophy, all the things no one talked about, and Daniel… Did he feel alike?

It was now there, exposed to the world. And it all felt important, as if this thing between them had started that long ago and even now, was only getting stronger. 

“I’m sorry.” Daniel said. “I shouldn’t have done that, but I didn’t go there with that intention, and I—“ He looked down, obviously embarrassed and so deeply scared, Johnny’s heart beat faster and faster. “I was just a kid, I was so confused…”

“I liked you then.” 

Slowly, the man looked up. His eyes were still those pretty brown shining pools, his face was that of a man now— but he still had that boyish look to him, still had that soft and kind thing Johnny had liked.

“I like you now.” He admitted. “You said you wanted to talk to me back then, why didn’t you?”

He chuckled humorlessly. “I was— I was scared. I’m still scared.”

Johnny’ shoulders felt lighter at the confesion, feeling every word as he held the man closer. Daniel was looking at his face, carefully not to look down to his lips. He smiled, pulling him against his body before he closed the distance between them with his lips.

* * *

Mr. Miyagi’s place had always been home to Daniel.

It was the place where he learned karate and some of the most important lessons of his life. Here, he grew up and became a man. He built something of his own for the first time and slept in it, the pride swelling in his chest every time it rained and nothing passed through the walls he put together himself.

After his mentor passed away, it had become almost a sacred place. He barely put feet there unless he needed to be alone, and lately, it had become a recurrent thing.

It was a dojo now, a place for other kids to learn and go through that journey he had at their age.

And now it will be home again, he decided, as he left his overnight bag in the room and went directly to the box where all his memories dwelled in the dark.

Most of the content of the box had been seen before by his family. Pictures and papers, phone numbers and candy wrappings he had saved from days he framed in his head. And at the back of it all, the red cigarettes box where he had saved his favorite haunted item.

Daniel didn’t smoke, he had just taken the box from his mother’s night stand and kept the chain hiden there for years.

There were many things he wanted to do right now.

He wanted to call Loretta and let her know she wasn’t alone. He wanted to apologize to her and tell her she was his family and they should get together some time, he would love to say hi to Rebecca.

But most of all, he wanted to see Johnny and give him the cross.

It had started a series of secrets that brought him to this moment as he disappointed everyone. Amanda, his mother, probably his children too. All those repressed feelings had brought him here, and Daniel—

“Holy shit!” He fell to his knees, breathing with difficulty as it finally sank.

What he was doing and what had happened with his wife, what would come next and all the faces he would have to look change as he explained himself. 

Tears went down his face, wondering if this was how his cousin once felt when she realized she was never coming back from New York.

Daniel wasn’t a boy anymore, this wasn’t the eighties either. He could kiss another man and live to tell about it. He only had to stand and give back what wasn’t his.

So when Johnny held him strong with both hands on his waist, crushing their lips together and successfully silencing him, Daniel couldn’t help the moan he let out before putting both hands on the other’s face.

He couldn’t help feeling like the boy he had been, finally understanding everything that had scared him back then. 

Daniel put his fingers through Johnny’s hair, heart beating faster when he felt its softness hadn’t changed in all those years. It was shorter now, but the realization of his memories about it being right made him feel another wave of yearning as they kissed.

He leaned his forehead on Daniel’s, breathing heavily when they went apart, eyes still closed.

Johnny let his hands slowly wander up Daniel’s back, warm making goosebumps fill his skin as the man seemed to try and memorize him. 

So Daniel pecked his lips, once then twice and a third time, making them both laugh as the sounds of it echoed in the parking lot at four in the morning.

He was still married, he had long months to come with how things may unfold back in the Encino house and his children, and all the noisy LaRussos who may as well ban him from his own family.

But Johnny opened his ocean blue eyes, the bluest Daniel has ever seen, and none of it mattered at all.

**XII**

The chain had been a gift of his father, but Johnny didn’t think of it as such ever since he was a child and he left.

It was mostly a comfort, the one thing that didn’t change and didn’t go, that had his name and was his. 

Laura often told him a name was the first thing one ever owned, and Johnny decided to carry his on his neck where he could touch it every time he felt things he couldn’t understand.

It reminded him he had his feet on the ground, in the real world where he existed and could breathe. Losing it had felt like losing ground, his own name.

Turns out, all that time, Daniel LaRusso had it. 

Hidden like a nasty secret among the dust his own self had become. Johnny looked at it, the way LaRusso had kept it safe and shining, wondering if he would have ever been able to see it today if he hadn’t lost it that day.

It would have probably ended in the mug at the back of some bar, in some addict’s hands before being sold for pills. Anywhere but here. And Daniel had kept it safe, had kept his name safe.

So,

“Seriously?” Robby chuckled as Johnny finished closing the little clasp of the chain on his nape. “A cross?” Johnny breathed out, moving away from his kid and watching him inspect the cross. “Do you even, like— believe in this?”

“Not really.” He admitted. “But it was a gift, I want you to have it.”

Robby’s nose wrinkled as he turned it over, looking at the engraven name. “It has your name…”

“Your grandmother said a name is the first thing you ever own, so my father gave it to me with my name. It was the only gift he ever made me. We can change it for your name.”

“No, no…” Robby visibly swallowed, these conversations were painfully difficult for the two of them, but they were trying. “It’s cool.”

He let it hang, looking at it for a few seconds before looking up at Johnny, smiling proudly.

It was that little kid running around showing everything he had to his father again, and the pang of endearment Johnny felt at the sight closed his throat. All he could do was smile back, internally grateful for the moment LaRusso’s daughter interrupted them, walking over to Robby to look at the chain.

“It’s beautiful!” She said, smiling at his son.

Johnny couldn’t help but close his eyes and swallow a sigh. Robby and Miguel would never be okay with each other, not while both had their eyes on the same girl. It was Ali all over again, except worse— these were his and Daniel’s children repeating history.

“This is the time you’re telling me you have a thing for jewelry?” Robby asked, Johnny walked away, leaving them in the kitchen as he went to look at what the other LaRusso was watching on the TV.

Johnny should have known none of this was going to be easy.

It had been so natural to just kiss Daniel and slowly talk him into understanding his daughter had needed a safe place to crash while trashed, and Robby had done his best in bringing her to an adult he could try and trust.

He had been annoyed anyway, and Johnny had enjoyed the look on his face, thinking of how this was nothing compared to the ways his heart broke every time Robby prefered Daniel over him.

Though, he couldn’t blame his son. He would choose Daniel, too. He had done it already, even if they barely saw each other and had gotten into yet another ugly fight after Tory menaced his daughter publicly in the first day of school.

Lucky for all of them, Sam had been smart and stayed with the teacher that eventually took her to the principal and parents had been called.

That same day, the LaRusso household fell with unexpected yelling. Robby had showed up at his door with both of Daniel’s children while he had dinner with the Diaz family, and it had been kind of awkward.

Still, Rosa and Carmen fed them all and took Sam's mind off of her parents screaming in their house. It had now become almost a routine, opening his door to find the kids with worried expressions standing there.

He wasn’t going to say no to his son again.

By the time Amanda had shown up to pick them up that first time, Anthony had already been asleep and Samantha had finished her homework. She walked out not before hugging Johnny, surprising even herself as she thanked him for letting her hide in his place  _ again _ .

That was when, voluntarily, Robby stepped out of the LaRussos’ and asked for the little extra room that was always supposed to be his in the apartment. Johnny immediately said yes.

Daniel drove him there the next day with his things, he looked tired and distracted the whole time, just staring at Johnny for twenty seconds straight without saying a word. He left and then thirty minutes later, Daniel was at his door, talking about how Johnny should be taking responsibility for what Tory had done.

He stared at him for long seconds, looking at the bags under his eyes and the worried lines of his forehead. 

Johnny’s first instinct had been to push him and kick him, tired of being caught between the fire that was turning down that ridiculous house when this man acted as if he hadn’t sought Johnny at four in the morning to make confessions and make out until the first rays of sun were in the sky.

But, as Miguel had taught him and as Carmen had advised him, he didn’t.

Instead, he made sure Robby was still in the shower and pulled LaRusso inside the apartment by his shirt. The man tensed, holding Johnny’s wrist with all his might and Johnny wondered if he still kicked like a train.

He crossed his arms over his chest once Daniel understood he wasn’t falling for it, and cleared his throat.  _ “Come again, you were saying? Your marriage is in ruins because of me?” _

_ “Johnny—“ _

_ “No, I’m not gonna fight you. My son is sleeping here.” _

Daniel had looked taken aback, as if he hadn’t expected anything but a good fight. Johnny realized then that absolutely none of this was going to be easy. Sparks and kisses were not enough, there was a lot about to break and change— it was delicate.

This was Daniel at his worst: searching for others to blame, yelling and kicking on barely any sleep, stressed and deeply scared of change. And he hoped the man knew Johnny still liked him anyway. He better be cool with it.

It had been it, that was the most he’d seen him in weeks since it all started.

“Shut up, I just think it’s pretty.” Samantha said now after the sound of a slap was heard, Robby laughed without complaint. “You know…”

Johnny looked back for a moment, she had her fingers on Robby’s chest, near the chain. He looked away, knowing it was none of his business what his son had going with this girl.

“My dad has one like this. Identical!” 

Except for that. Johnny sat on the small couch, behind Anthony who was sitting on the floor with a pizza box open and none of it touched, clearly too entertained with the TV.

“Yeah? Guess it was a common gift for your babies…”

“No.” She said, Johnny swallowed and chewed on his cheek inside his mouth. “No, it was… Uh, it was something else.”

“What do you mean?”

“He had it hidden in the dojo, in a cigarette box. He said it was a secret. I thought it was  _ Ojichan’s _ , but he said it wasn’t— he said it was… a secret.”

They kept quiet. 

Johnny had to keep himself in place to not look back and see what was happening, if maybe this girl had figured out it was the same chain. He took a deep breath, and heard as she sighed.

“Are you okay?” His son asked, she must have nodded because his next words were, “Sure?”

“Yeah, It’s just…” She was basically murmuring now, Johnny had to put on effort to try and listen without giving out signs of what he was doing. “I always thought there was something else about that chain. I caught him many times just looking at it on days when he was… you know, like how he’s been lately.”

“Yeah…”

“Maybe it  _ is  _ a gift from his dad. He never talks about him.”

“Maybe.” 

They moved. He saw as the girl took the pizza box away from her brother and both kids started to argue. She ended up winning the argument once Johnny barked at them to shut up, Sam was right: the pizza was cold, they should put it in the microwave.

Anthony was like a gremlin. Once fed after a certain hour, the kid became a little monster— more so than he already was. Robby laughed at the comment with Samantha agreeing enthusiastically from the kitchen, and the kid had only rolled his eyes at Johnny.

This new normal with them… if someone had told him he’ll end up here, he would call them delusional.

He watched them work like little ants in the small kitchen area, complaining of the microwave then offering him the first slides as an apology. They ended up sitting around, watching TV as they ate, and when Amanda finally texted them, he saw Sam frown.

“Dad is coming for us.” She announced, Robby looked at her. 

“It’s happening.” Anthony said with an almost funny tone of fatality. “They are really getting a dirvorce!”

“Anthony, it’s just dad picking us up. Mom was probably tired.”

“No, that’s how it always happens with my friends! When your dad picks you up after he’s been fighting with your mom, they are divorcing.”

Robby looked at him as if asking how realistic Anthony’s worries were, but Johnny only blinked a couple of times and tried a small smile. At the end of the day, it was none of his or Robby’s concerns what was happening there, and all they could do was watch.

He caught LaRusso’s eyes when the kids were leaving. Daniel looked back, even more tired than before, and this time attempted at a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Daniel walked towards him, his face was a bit pale and Johnny wondered if he hadn’t been eating well aside from not sleeping. It made him want to wrap him in a blanket and care for him until he was the little annoying sunshine he had always been.

But this man wasn’t his, it was not Johnny’s place to do such a thing.

“Thanks for having them over. Again.”

Johnny shrugged. “They just keep coming and Robby keeps letting them in.”

“Yeah.” Daniel chuckled, it was joyless but at least a part of that man he knew was still there. “I’m sorry I haven’t… you know. It’s just been so bad lately…”

“Yeah, don’t even mention it.” He breathed out.

“We should talk about the other night…”

“Probably.” He admitted, looking as Robby was talking to Anthony, and Sam was looking somewhere else. When he followed her eyes, he saw Miguel standing near his door, carrying his grandmother’s groceries bag. “Look at them, they are us and then some.”

“What?” LaRusso moved, turning around to see his kids and Robby. Like Johnny, he slowly looked in the direction Sam was looking at, and saw the two teenagers making intense eye contact. “I thought she… I don’t know anymore.”

“Oh, she’s with Robby.” Johnny said. “I don’t know what you thought was gonna happen with two unrelated horny teenagers training together and living under the same roof.”

“Hey!” Daniel frowned, it was the most alive his face had looked this whole time. Johnny smiled at him. “So this is my fault?”

“Again, I’m not gonna fight you.” Johnny reminded him, he playfully tapped his chin with a finger. “Maybe when you are not like this, but meanwhile… you’ll have to search for another way to let out all that shit you keep repressed.”

“I don’t—”

“LaRusso.” 

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Daniel looked back, Miguel and his grandmother were in their apartment, Robby was chasing Anthony as Sam cheered for her brother with her back to them. When he looked at Johnny, his eyes were clear again.

“I have to talk to my kids… so…” 

“Yeah, okay.”

“Hey,” Daniel called and Johnny looked at him. “Can I use your bathroom?”

Johnny frowned at the way he was looking at him, but still opened the door of the apartment to let him in. When Daniel pulled him in by his belt, he finally understood there was no bathroom break in his mind. 

He closed the door and felt his hands on his face like that first time so many years ago. Just as fast and needy, but this time Daniel knew how to kiss him.

With his hands on Daniel’s waist, Johnny kissed back and thought of what Anthony had said earlier, what Daniel had said the night he gave him the chain.

Slowly, he held his hand, lazing their fingers together. Daniel wasn’t wearing the ring anymore.

“Uhm,” Johnny tried to talk, but the man pulled him against his body with boths hands behind his head. “Hey, calm down—”

“I’ve missed you…”

Johnny chuckled. “Why? We haven’t done anything yet—“

“Yeah,” Daniel sighed against his mouth before kissing him softly with eyes closed. “I’ve missed you.”

He let his hands wander again, Johnny remembered how much he had wanted to do so that first night when they were younger and now, at least for these few seconds, he got to do it. He found himself holding Daniel tight, he couldn’t remember ever hugging someone like this, someone holding him alike.

It felt like a welcome, and there he knew he had missed Daniel too. He’d been missing him all these years, and now this delicate thing became clearer.

* * *

Johnny had given the chain to Robby, which meant Sam had already seen it.

Daniel still smiled at the boy as he said goodbye, promising they will have class again soon. His kids waved at Johnny before getting into the car, and Daniel sighed like a highschooler looking at the man and his son talking before getting inside their apartment.

He had gotten in his car and drove with Sam and Anthony in silence at first, until his daughter was asking why they weren’t going to their house. 

Daniel swallowed, saying he needed to talk to them about everything that had been happening the last couple of weeks, and so they stopped at the park were he and Amanda used to take them as children.

It was never gonna be easy to explain. 

Most kids believe their parents soulmates, the idea of them separating is not even close to a thought in their heads. And while Sam and Anthony weren’t that young anymore, they were still their children and they needed to handle this as good as possible for their sake.

He knew they’ll be hurt, that there’ll be questions he couldn’t answer and that sides would be picked sometimes. But—

“There’s a lot of story between your mother and I, but there should be more than that. We don’t really bring all those things we used to in each other, so we thought it’s fair, for everyone’s sake, if we call it quits before someone gets really hurt.”

“So you hurt mom?” Anthony asked, he’d been the one doing all the talking. 

Sam seemed lost in thought, barely looking him in the face, not saying anything at all. This time, she looked up at him, waiting for his answer.

He could lie right now, Amanda wouldn’t blame him. But the lie would only implode on his face if he wanted to eventually be at peace with himself and the life he wanted after all this.

Mr. Miyagi once told him he shouldn’t live a lie, lies poison and kill the heart. He had done enough of that already.

Sighing, he nodded. Anthony gasped, frowning deeply as his mouth opened, so Daniel immediately talked. “I didn’t even realize I was doing it, none of us did.”

“What does that even mean?” He asked, the desperation in his voice knotted his stomach.

His daughter was frowning, arms crossed over her belly. She looked like she was about to cry.

“Well…” Daniel sighed, passing a hand through his hair before he finally settled in a way to explain as clearly as he could. “We… We got used to each other. We found a rhythm and never stopped, at any moment we thought that there was more to our marriage than what we had.”

“Dad—”

“ _ Anthony _ .” He swallowed, the kid closed his mouth and listened even if he had made a face. “We were successful. Got everything we wanted for our family, we got the two of you, and then one day… it was just a picture. Every day the same picture in its beautiful frame. And pictures that are always in the light eventually fade.”

The car was silent. He had Sam in the passenger seat and Anthony leaning his head on it from behind, still frowning but now processing what his father had said.

He licked his lips and kept going. “None of us know when it happened, but something faded, and many things got lost in the passing years. And one day…” He opened both his hands, like mimicking an explosion. “Something reminded me of all the parts of me that died with Mr. Miyagi, I buried them deep in me instead of letting them be known and find… balance.”

After a few seconds, Daniel sighed. 

“I should have told your mom years ago. I love our life together, and our family, our job…” He put a hand on his chest, both his children were looking at him at last. “But there’s a part of me that’s empty. And as long as it is like this, I’ll never have that balance.”

“You’ll never be happy.” Sam concluded for him. Daniel smiled at her, nodding slightly.

For the night, it seemed like enough.

Nobody talked on the way home. Anthony barely said goodnight before running into the house, searching for his mother. Daniel watched Sam getting her backpack from the car, putting it on her shoulder before walking around to meet him at the open front door.

“Sam,”

“Have you found it, dad?” She asked.

Daniel frowned, trying to understand what she was talking about.

“Have you found… how to fill the empty part?”

He hadn’t seen that coming. Ever since they found out Sam was on her way to the world, Daniel had never seen Sam coming, and like every time, she amazed him.

“Well… yeah. I, I have the dojo. It’s part of it.”

She nodded. “And… the secret?”

“What?” He blinked, a cold something going up his spine. But Sam wasn’t angry. She wasn’t sad, nor reproaching. There was just curiosity. “The secret?”

“It’s the secret the other part? That helps you feel whole?”

This girl, his girl… Daniel smiled at her, feeling his nose burn. He didn’t want to cry in front of her, and they moved at the same time, meeting in the middle with a hug.

She buried her face in his chest, and Daniel breathed in the scent of her hair, remembering those beautiful locks jumping as she happily walked inside Mr. Miyagi’s house, loudly calling  _ Ojichan  _ to ask for the same stories he always told.

“I love you, daddy.” Sam said, looking up at him. There were small tears gathered in her eyes, but she was smiling. “Are you going to be okay?”

Daniel nodded, the knot in his throat didn’t allow him to speak until he swallowed it down.

“I hope so.”

“Okay.” She dried a tear from her left cheek. “Would you tell me about the secret sometime?”

He nodded, hoping it could be soon. “I promised I would.”

Sam smiled at him, hugging him tightly again before letting go.

Daniel watched as she got into the house, closing the door behind her. He heard the locks being put and sighed deeply, watching that big house he never thought he’d have.

It’ll always contain part of his heart, but the rest of it had always been somewhere else.

He gave it a last look, and turned around.

**XIII**

A long time ago, when Robby had been a kid, Bobby had tried to hook Johnny up with a friend of his who also happened to have a child.

The idea behind it was that both knew a relationship of the likes should be taken seriously since it included, at some point, having their kids met and maybe, on Bobby’s head, one day becoming a family.

Johnny hadn’t had any idea of family since he found his father in Illinois.

He hadn’t wanted kids, nor had he wanted to get married either. He was a different person from the scared kid he had been when Kreese made him into the angry boy that had felt powerful for all the wrong reasons.

In his head, the only person he could have had a life like the one Bobby and his mother once wanted for him, was Ali. And she had chosen someone else, had given him back everything he ever gave her, then disappeared from his life forever.

For years, any relationship he could form didn’t seem right. He always found an excuse to get out, every morning after simply walking away without a word.

Shannon had been unique. 

He could accept now that it hadn’t been bad all the time. When it was just the two of them, it had actually been great. Laura had liked her, she had been wanting grandchildren for years and when the first three years passed, she thought she’d finally have one or two.

Johnny never found the way to tell her they didn’t want kids back then, that they had gotten married because it felt right at the moment, when they would share the small bathtub of their first apartment and Shannon would lean her back on his chest as he hugged her from behind.

She’d been unique, but even then Shannon reminded him of someone else and only now Johnny could see it.

The big doe eyes, the soft brown hair, the way her skin shone under the sun. Her fast and happy approach to everything, always so full of annoying sunshine when they were sober and  _ okay _ .

For how long had he looked for the same and never realized?

Johnny took a deep breath before answering Bobby’s latest text, saying no to his idea of going out so he could meet another of his friends. The man immediately answered with a complaint and a reminder of _ ‘this is why you are alone, man’ _ and Johnny couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

He thought of his answer, of the last month and what was happening in his life as he sat in the office of the dojo, who he was waiting for.

For a long time, Bobby had been the only person to know everything about him. Keeping this from him seemed ridiculous when the first person to advise him on his attraction to LaRusso had been the man himself when they were just kids.

Johnny closed his eyes for a few seconds, unable to think of anything else but the fact that he wasn’t actually sure what he had with Daniel was supposed to be.

They saw each other a few times every week or so, talked all the time on text, made out between stolen moments as his divorce kept going and the situation with his children kept changing. 

None of them had a name for it, calling this a relationship felt weird but not as strange as the concept of ever calling LaRusso  _ boyfriend _ . 

They weren’t boys anymore.

“Sensei?” 

Johnny looked up, Miguel was at the door with that kicked out puppy expression that could only mean trouble. Probably  _ Sam Trouble  _ since, according to Daniel, Robby and Sam had been oddly distant and quiet around each other; but Sam had gone out with an unnamed friend ever since he noticed the change. 

They had both agreed to stay out of it, but the kid walked inside when Johnny nodded, everyone else had gone home for the day and both had changed to their common clothes.

“What’s up?” He asked, looking over the text he was about to send that simply said  _ ‘I’m seeing someone, asshole’ _ and Bobby would have to wait until he was done here.

Miguel sat in front of him, there was some sort of seriousness to his expression and for the first time, Johnny noticed how he had changed since they met. He was slowly gaining lines and muscles, but also the unspoken things that harden a face.

The boy cleared his throat and looked up at him.

“How…” He started but couldn’t say it, Miguel took a deep breath and tried again. “How do you know when you are in love?”

Holy fuck.

Johnny must have made a face, Miguel was biting his bottom lip to avoid laughing. He looked away, thinking how the hell to answer that.

“Shit, Diaz. What kind of question is that?”

The only time he had thought to be in love had been in High School. He supposed he must have loved Shannon. Letting her go had hurt, failing her and their son had been even worse. And then—

Daniel came into the dojo as his younger version figured in Johnny’s head. He saw him walk towards the office with that always so tired expression he carried since his divorce process started, and in his memory, he was holding him after feeling dizzy in the parking lot during prom.

He had looked up at him with those shining eyes that followed him for years in dreams and fantasies, between worried and surprised, and slowly smiled when his hands caressed Johnny’s biceps as he let him go.

“Oh, sorry.” LaRusso said after opening the door, looking at Miguel still sitting there. “I can wait outside, uh…”

“No, it’s okay.” Miguel said as he stood. “Hi, Mr. LaRusso.”

“Uh, hi…”

Johnny blinked, watching these two and realizing just how separate his world had been from this man, and how it had slowly started to collide the second they saw each other again after thirty years.

The boy extended his hand, Daniel took it politely as they repeated their names. If Samantha wasn’t going to introduce Miguel to her father, then he’ll do it himself— this was something he wouldn’t have done almost two years ago, Johnny realized. 

Like them, Miguel had changed. He was growing up. Like his son who was having dinner with his mother tonight, he was becoming a man.

“Wait, Miguel.” He said before the boy could exit the office. “About that…”

“Yeah?”

He could feel Daniel’s eyes on him, probably wondering what they were talking about, what was taking Johnny so long to simply say to Miguel.

Johnny put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Just follow your gut on this one. I don’t think there’s an universal way to know.”

Miguel looked at him for a few seconds, slowly nodded and smiled at him.

“Real helpful!”

Johnny shoved him slightly, making him laugh.

“You just… kinda know when it happens.”

The boy looked at him, then at Daniel. “Alright.” Miguel smiled. “Thanks, sensei.”

Johnny watched him leave in silence, Daniel getting closer to him until he felt his hands on him. One on his waist, the other on his belly. Johnny looked at him and found him smiling, so he just— didn’t think, just leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“Hey,” Daniel chuckled, his cheeks were turning pink.

“Hi.” He greeted him.

A long time ago, Johnny didn’t really pay attention to who he ended up in bed. He never thought of stable relationships and how these may eventually become part of a family, have a partner be part of his kid’s life because they were with Johnny.

Daniel had become part of his life before being his, he was already part of Robby’s. Somehow, Johnny had ended so close to him, he saw Daniel’s children almost as much as he saw their father, had them in his apartment, fed them even, called them  _ princess  _ and  _ gremlin  _ as if they had grown up around him.

“How did you see Robby? You think he’s okay?” Daniel asked, his hand had slowly started to rub Johnny’s abdomen. 

“Think of it like this. He has a better relationship with his mother than with me.” Johnny reminded him, wrapping both arms around him. “And so far, he hasn’t left the house in the middle of the night or actually fist fight me, so I think he’s doing great with his mom.”

“ _ Johnny _ .” He said like a warning, he couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t say that, he wouldn’t—well. He wouldn’t.”

“Who knows, there’s a lot of anger in that kid.” He sighed, tapping Daniel’s chin with a finger twice. “I don’t blame him.”

He didn’t seem too happy with Johnny’s words, but Daniel didn’t say anything. He tilted his head just so, Johnny had learned by now it meant he was putting this aside for later, and later he may get his ass kicked if he dared to not listen to whatever sermon he had prepared for the occasion.

Right now, Daniel’s hand went to his chest and pulled on his shirt until Johnny was leaning on his face and their lips met.

_ How do you know when you are in love? _

Daniel kissed back.

He didn’t cry or called him names when Johnny kissed him. He kissed back and had become an essential part of his life. Johnny had no idea of how it had happened, but it just did.

All Daniel was, all he brought to his life— It was where he wanted to stay, live in here forever, in this moment when they were together, their kids were alright, their dojos were growing, and he could kiss him without the man disappearing once his eyes opened.

They had dinner in one of Daniel’s favorite fancy restaurants, talking about their week in low voices while trying to make the other laugh, like a date.

All these little moments, borrowed hours he had learned to appreciate, always lead to heated make out sessions in someone’s car or Miyagi-do.

It slowly took them to other places, touches that go beyond clothes and confessions in the way of moans and sighs, soft and sloppy kisses after.

Johnny tried to memorize Daniel’s body as clothes started to go down. He found each mark and scar, little places that have him shivering, the best spot to leave a mark that won’t raise any questions, the way Daniel liked to be touched and kissed.

It was mostly desperate hands and mouths trying to make up for the years they lost since that night in 1985. But at the end, just shared breathe and eyes that melt.

They were looking at each other in the afterglow, laying on Daniel’s bed, him on his belly and Daniel on his back. His hand caressed the other’s cheek, eyes roaming around that face that had followed him forever.

He watched Daniel fall asleep, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead and face so peaceful, Johnny had wanted to have a camera there to keep this moment forever.

With a finger, he traced that nose and those lips. 

This was the man he loved.

Johnny moved forward, landing a small kiss on his cheek before passing his arm around his waist, cuddling Daniel close to him.

* * *

Eventually, Amanda found out and things got uglier.

Daniel knew it would hurt her, he thought he had more time to prepare himself to give the news, but she had easily figured it out when he left the kids in the house and Anthony was talking loudly about their plans for next week, when Robby and Johnny would have movie night with them at Mr. Miyagi’s.

She had only looked at him, frozen in her anger, then walked inside the house without saying a word.

His daughter hugged him goodnight, seemed apologetic for something she had nothing to do with, and so Daniel felt like crawling under a rock and never came out again.

In that state, he ignored his phone in spite of the three times Johnny called after he didn’t answer his texts. He watched the screen in the dark almost all night and wished he could explain why was he feeling like this—

Like if tomorrow he’ll wake up to people signaling him and his family taking his name away, his children never talking to him again, Johnny punching him in the stomach after kissing him.

Deep down, Daniel knew he was being unfair. 

Nobody was reacting like this so far. Johnny had kissed him in a restaurant a week ago and absolutely nothing happened. The world had kept its course, everyone had kept talking without minding them at all.

He grabbed his phone and searched until he found the right number, clicked on it and waited.

“Yes?” A tiresome female voice came from the other side of the line after a while and Daniel hung up.

He put the phone against his lips with closed eyes, chest feeling heavy as if he was about to cry. When had he become such a coward? He couldn’t recognize himself.

The phone vibrated in his hands, Daniel looked at the screen and saw the name.

Swallowing, he decided to answer.

“Daniel?” Said the same voice as before. 

He couldn’t recognize it, but Daniel knew it was truly his cousin Loretta. He hadn’t seen her in almost forty years, had only heard her on the phone a handful of times, and he knew this woman with a raspy voice and a strangely motherly tone was his favorite cousin.

“Hi, Loretta. It’s been a while…” He greeted, his own voice alien to himself.

“My god, Daniel! It’s past midnight, are you okay? Are the kids alright?”

“Yes!” He shook his head, reprimanding himself for not even thinking of the hour. “I’m sorry, I was just… it’s nothing. I just wanted to talk to you.”

She stayed quiet for a while, Daniel’s heart hammered in his chest. His head ached, millions of words were pushing against his thoughts, and his mouth tasted bitter. 

Like the rest of his family, he had abandoned Loretta. He had given her his back and denied himself what she had seen, what she hoped was there.

What was he supposed to do now? Just tell her? 

_ Hey, remember how I made you feel bad for trying to help me when I was younger because I couldn’t admit I’m into men? Well, guess again! And the woman that is still my wife just found out I got a man, and I’ve been ignoring that guy I’ve been getting into bed on a daily basis because I’m scared out of my fucking mind. Help me? Please?  _

Daniel swallowed.

“How—how have you been?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation up.

“Daniel, are you okay?” She said instead, he tensed for a few seconds before simply sitting on the ground in the dark with his back against the wall. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

The pet name almost made him cry, Daniel chuckled and shook his head.

“I’m getting a divorce.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that—“

“I like a guy.” He finally said. Out loud. Real. She said nothing, but he heard the moment her breathing stopped. “I like women too, but right now… I’m… there’s this one guy.”

“Daniel…”

“Remember when you said that bad boys are better because they are rebels, and you can have adventures with them, make you feel like yourself?”

After a while, she answered. “Yes?”

“He’s all that. Literally. He used to be this—pretty boy type, goldilocks rich guy. He was mean and— even now, he still has that rockstar look, and I fucking hate how good he looks in sunglasses and black. Nobody should look that nice against the sun.”

He had spoken so fast, he hadn’t noticed she was laughing. 

It wasn’t a mocking laugh, Loretta sounded joyful like he couldn’t remember her anymore. He had the images in his head, of the girl with the curly brunette hair laughing with her friends, but the sound had faded a long time ago.

Loretta laughed now, saying sorry before clearing her throat.

“So, what’s this modern prince charming’s name?”

“Oh, shut up.” It was Daniel’s turn to laugh. He looked up at the other wall, the moonlight reflected him there with the phone against his ear as he sat like a kid telling his big cousin he liked a guy. “John.”

“John!”

“Everyone calls him Johnny, though. So…”

“Mhm.” She exclaimed. “But you call him John.”

Daniel blinked a couple of times. “Yeah?”

“Because you are special.” Loretta said, his heart stopped mid-beat. “So only Daniel gets to call him by his actual name.”

Brighter yellowish light reflected in the wall, the sound of a parking car made him look up at the door. Daniel stood, thinking of what his cousin had said, how she simply knew him after so many years. 

“Maybe?”

She laughed. The person outside was taking their time to get out of their car. Daniel stayed where he was, just waiting. He didn’t need to see to know who it was anyway.

“Daniel, you were always a romantic.” She said. “What about him? You think he likes you back?”

“I think…” He sighed. “I think he may be a little in love with me.”

“Oh! Isn’t that the best?”

Daniel smiled, closing his eyes as he remembered every little touch Johnny had laid on him in the past months.

The way he playfully tapped on his chin with one finger, once to call his attention and kiss him, twice when there was a lot he wanted to say but didn’t have the words for. How his fingers would dig into his waist and lower back, held him firm and strong, yet gentle.

His hands always wandering up his back, how tight he hugged him, a hand on his lower back as they walked, their fingers interlocked when they were alone, and how every time without fail, Johnny would kiss his knuckles before letting go.

That gentle kiss he had put on his forehead a few days back.

“Yeah…” He finally answered. “But it’s just… if he loves me, he loves me in a way I don’t understand.”

“How’s that?”

There was a knock in the door, he walked towards it as he thought of his answer and what he was about to do.

Johnny frowned at him when he opened the door, Daniel moved to let him in while still holding the phone.

“Daniel, are you there?” “LaRusso, what—?” Loretta and Johnny talked at the same time.

He put a finger near his lips, then signaled the phone on his ear to let Johnny know he was talking. The man seemed annoyed, but said nothing else. He scratched the back of his head and looked around distractedly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Daniel told Loretta, taking Johnny’s hand and making him look back. “I just don’t know how to do all this.”

“The… being with a man thing?”

He smiled, swallowing his nervous laughter. “Yeah. The being with a man thing”

Johnny frowned, moving his head to one side while listening. His fingers were soft on him, almost as if he didn’t want to touch Daniel. He looked down at their joined hands and kept going.

“I’m scared.” He confessed, voice small and child-like. Johnny’s hand held his firmer now, Daniel’s heart started to beat again. “I buried these feelings a long time ago, I never knew where to put them or what to do with them.”

“That’s normal, sweetheart...” Loretta said, sweet as ever. “There’s not an age for this shit.”

Daniel looked up at Johnny.

“I’ve been having the worst months of my life, but this guy makes my kids laugh and laughs at my honestly bad jokes, and he’s been surprising me a lot with how patient he’s actually been… and I’m not sure of what to do with that.”

“Why don’t you just enjoy it?”

“Wish I knew how...” He licked his lips, letting go of Johnny’s hand when he moved it. It gently landed on his face and Daniel couldn’t help the little sound that came out his mouth, a little happy gasp. “I just don’t know how to be held. It’s not that I don’t like it, I just…”

“Unlearning things you’ve grown up with it’s difficult, you know? Don’t beat yourself down for that, it’s not your fault.” She said, he half listened as Johnny looked at him with eyes so bright, it was like moonlight. “Daniel, you are already a step ahead. You know what’s wrong, now you have to discover your own way through it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She laughed. “Give yourself a break, let him hold you.”

“Yes. I will.”

“Good!” He could tell she was smiling on the phone. “I can hear movement. I assume you are not alone?”

“No.”

“Always a romantic!” Loretta laughed. “Let’s call it a night, Daniel. Call me later… Please let me sleep, you little shit. Goodnight.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry about that—thank you, Loretta. Goodnight.” He answered, putting his free hand on Johnny’s chest. They kept looking at each other, Daniel still with the phone up even after his cousin hung up. He swallowed, heart feeling heavy. “I love you.”

Johnny knew this wasn’t for the phone. 

He must have seen the screen go on and off as Loretta hung up, but he let Daniel have this moment where he could feel safe speaking his heart out. He let him pretend to hang up and sigh, putting the phone away and then looking up at him again.

They looked at each other for a few seconds, he saw Johnny breathe in and out, his thumb caressing Daniel’s face as he leaned down to kiss him.

Daniel had forgotten how it felt like to kiss someone he liked this much, someone he wanted the way he did Johnny. He kissed back as gentle, both hands on Johnny’s chest before slowly sliding them up to his shoulders and neck.

He didn’t want this to end. Kissing Johnny was worth the stress he was overcoming, his mother’s possible disappointment, Amanda’s anger, the rest of the world giving him their back.

Johnny leaned his forehead on his, they breathed against each other’s mouth, and Daniel slowly opened his eyes. The man smiled at him when their eyes met, and Daniel finally felt grounded.

Once he thought his fantasies and dreams of this man would eventually go away. With the years, he learned to ignore them and think they meant nothing as many other dreams do— just an unconscious thing that happened once in a while.

As they kissed and stumbled to get to the room, he realized a part of him had always been wanting this. Whatever it was because Johnny had been oddly nice to him when no other boy he ever found attractive was before, or because he had found himself so similar to him in ways none of them knew until now.

It hit him like a train to realize this, but the rest of the fall had been smooth and so slowly, Daniel couldn’t really point out where and when he fell in love with this man.

But he could let Johnny guide him when he felt lost being new to certain things he crossed out in the past and now got to experience. 

He closed his eyes and opened his mouth, breathing in and out, feeling the mattress under him and Johnny between his open legs. Daniel arched his lower back, letting Johnny lift him slightly with his hands as his mouth went down and down, and down…

Daniel crossed both arms over his face, moaning loudly at the sensation of a tongue lapping at his entrance. It would’ve been too much if he wasn’t eager for what he knew was coming. His heart beat faster, the wet sounds echoing the room almost drowned his little sighs and moans, until he felt that tongue come in.

“Fuck!” 

He shivered, Johnny kept him steady with both hands on his lower back, holding him up. His back arched again. Daniel uncovered his face, fingers fisting on the bed sheets as millions of things sparked around his entire body. 

It had to be like everything else with Johnny. It was all or nothing, big or nothing, always awakening new things in him just as it did the moment he felt a finger in him and his eyes snapped open, unable to focus on anything but the sensations filling his body.

Daniel remembered once doing this to himself, mostly curious and suddenly so scared when the initial discomfort faded. He had liked it, and the fact terrified him back then. He found himself unapologetically moaning now, wanting more of it as that finger came in and out with an almost gentle rhythm.

“... Wish you could look at yourself.” 

He suddenly realized Johnny was talking, Daniel looked down and found him looking up at him. His eyes looked dark, filled with want as if he was really the best laid he’d ever had. Daniel swallowed, felt him carefully add a second finger and he couldn’t help the little whimper that came out his mouth.

Johnny smirked, just like he did every time Daniel taunted him and Daniel’s cock twitched at the sight. He wanted this man so much, if he didn’t have him inside in the next few minutes, he was going to go insane.

“You want this so much,” Johnny kept talking, kissing Daniel’s knee before looking at him again, “and you dared to deny it to yourself for  _ years _ . Bad, bad…”

Daniel chuckled, his cheeks feeling hot and hard with how much he was grinning. “Oh, my god— just shut up!”

“Ah, ah, look at that—” His eyes landed on Daniel’s hard-rock cock, leaking pre-come and twitching almost with every word out of his mouth. Daniel swallowed. “And it’s  _ just _ vanilla talk.”

“Fuck!” Daniel gave up, letting his head fall on the bed with his eyes closed. Johnny laughed, there was no mockery in the tone of it— it was driving him closer to the edge.

Johnny scissored his fingers inside him and his brain stopped, all Daniel could do was moan and moan, and wish he could stay in this moment forever, with this man that knew shit of the rest of the world but managed his body as if they’ve been together their entire lives.

As if Daniel had stepped into those showers and faced that attraction that kept him awake as a teen, and history had been re-written. 

In reality, he didn’t want that. Every stumble and fall brought him to a life he loved and worked hard for, to his children that he loved more than anything, his dojo, his students, and Johnny. They were men now, no awkward angles and round baby cheeks, no longing stares from across the parking lot and stolen kisses in a car.

“Hey,” he heard. Johnny had put a hand on his neck, thumb slightly on his Adam’s apple and Daniel opened his eyes. 

“Hi.” He murmured back, making Johnny smile before he guided himself slowly into Daniel.

Swallowing, Daniel kept his eyes open and felt every inch of him enter him carefully. It was almost desperating, how gentle Johnny was with him right now. 

“You’re dirtier than you think…” Johnny said, moving slowly into him. “We just…” He went in a bit harder, opening him wider. Daniel whimpered at the little pain, suddenly grateful for Johnny’s gentleness. “We just gotta push...” He kept pushing, smiling down at Daniel. “And find… what brings it up…”

Johnny buried himself to the hilt in him and stopped for a few seconds, letting themselves breathe and recover from the sensational shock. 

The initial pain gathered a few tears in his eyes, but Daniel felt safe as he was kissed and caressed, cared for in ways he never was before.

Johnny’s mouth was open over Daniel’s, but his eyes were closed and he could see it— he could see how this was everything to him as it was to Daniel. He passed his arms around the other man’s neck and kissed him.

Soon he was moving. Daniel’s legs rounded his hips, a small tear finding its way down his cheek before Johnny stopped it with his lips, softly asking if he was okay. Once Daniel nodded, his hips moved firmer, bottoming out almost completely before going back in.

The drag brought goosebumps to Daniel, a moan leaving his mouth as his eyes closed and soon, they found a rhythm. Like every time they found each other, they were in sync and all Daniel could do was let it happen and live it, enjoy it without a care for the world.

Here in this room, in this house that was the safest place for Daniel’s heart, he could be himself and ask his partner for more with every whimper and moan. 

Johnny got them to sit on the bed, Daniel wrapped himself around him and smiled against his lips as the man let him find a new rhythm until he snapped up, making Daniel moan on his mouth before Johnny trapped his lips on a passionate kiss, moving faster with him.

Daniel buried his fingers in Johnny's hair, looking into his eyes as the man fucked harder into him, slowly changing the angle until he hit something inside Daniel that had him closing his eyes, seeing stars behind them.

He pulled his hair, moaning louder every time Johnny hit that spot over and over again. Daniel was not gonna last like this, he could feel the tension in his belly with every snap of Johnny’s hips and the way he had lost the rhythm.

But he didn’t want it to end. Daniel opened his eyes again and kissed Johnny’s face, making him smile. He felt the man’s hand between them, squeezing him with two fingers at the base, making him moan at the sensation, and the frustration that movement meant.

“I want you to come with me,” he murmured against his lips, Daniel felt a shiver come up his back. “Hold it there, baby... It’s gonna be so good.”

Daniel nodded, hiding his face between Johnny’s shoulder and neck. But the man moved, putting a hand on his jaw and cheek to make him look up. 

“Let me see that face.” He said. 

The shine in his eyes made Daniel’s heart stop for a second, Johnny’s eyes looked around his face before kissing him a few times. Suddenly, he changed them of position again— back to Daniel laying on the bed and him between his legs, fucking into him eagerly as Daniel’s legs wrapped around him.

Johnny took Daniel’s hand, lazing their fingers together against the mattress. He let go of Daniel’s cock, hips moving faster and erratically. 

“ _ Daniel _ .” Johnny moaned, he closed his eyes as he felt his orgasm building in his lower belly. “Come for me, baby, come on…” He kept murmuring between louder moans.

The weight on him, Johnny’s very masculine smell and the tone of his voice, everything had Daniel on edge almost since the beginning. Hearing him say those things, touch him the way he was doing, having him pulsing inside Daniel, it was too much.

“I fucking love you, Daniel…” He murmured against his neck, and that was it.

“ _ John— _ “

Johnny kissed his neck when Daniel moved his head up, closing his eyes hard as he felt his orgasm like a wave from the bottom of his belly, slowly echoing through every corner of his body, making his heart grow in size until all he could hear and feel was the beat of it.

He remained laying on the bed with Johnny slumped over him, twitching inside him as he came. The sensation was unique, hot and a bit weird—but not unwelcome. Daniel blinked back tears, amazed by everything he was feeling, what was done and said.

This magnetic force of a man, all for him and him alone.

Daniel put his arms around him, kissing his temple as they recovered. Johnny responded with soft kisses to his shoulder and collarbone, making a path up his neck and jaw until he found his lips.

If this could last forever, he’ll die a happy man. 

But there was tomorrow and many days yet. Their birthdays, the holidays, a tournament. 

There was a whole new path, forward and forward. And Daniel was happy to be with him for this one.

He smiled as Johnny kept peppering his face with kisses, looking forward to the next day for the first time in almost a year.

“We’re doing it again…” Daniel said, Johnny groaned and the sound of it made him smile.

“Let me sleep, goddammit.”

“Oh, you’re not that old, come on—”

“You’re the living headache!“ 

Daniel chuckled, Johnny rolled over. He could feel his semen coming out of him, it was… odd. Not bad, but still odd.

“I mean it!” Daniel reminded him, Johnny shook his head.

“Gets dick once and becomes a slut for it…”

“Hey!”

Johnny looked at him with that shit eating grin of his. Daniel rolled his eyes, ready for combat when he was suddenly pinned to the bed and attacked with loud and wet kisses to his neck. Johnny was leaving marks on his skin, and all Daniel could do was pretend to try getting him off himself.

But he was laughing. He was laughing and stretching his neck to him, not giving a shit for the first time in his entire life. Finally breathing out.

**XIV**

Sometimes, Daniel’s divorce felt eternal. Other times, Johnny wouldn’t even remember he was,  _ technically _ , helping him to cheat.

The first time he mentioned the situation to Bobby, the man had looked at him as if he was about to give him Sunday’s sermon and send him to pray for his soul, purge his sins. Johnny had smiled at him, unsure of how to add the man he was doing all this with was no other than Daniel LaRusso.

“You know, I always thought going out with college girls when half of us started to lose hair was going to be the worst thing you’d do, but—”

“Oh, come on.” Johnny frowned, lifting his beer from the table they were sharing at his favorite bar. “It’s not the same… at all. I was— in another place back then.”

“Yeah, thinking with your dick.” Bobby said, Johnny rolled his eyes. “Which is what you are doing now too. You talk about this guy as if you know him since forever but I don’t hear his name… so I’m kind of assuming the worst here.”

“As in…?”

“Are you dating one of those moronic twenty something idiots that married young?”

“God, no!” Johnny answered, throwing the napkin made into a ball he had been playing with at his friend.

Bobby shook his head, still frowning as he took a sip of his own beer. 

This was ridiculous, why couldn’t he simply tell his friend the truth? It wasn’t as if Bobby would actually drop him for this or anything, really.

“Look,” Johnny cleared his throat, Bobby looked up again, “he and the ex-wife aren’t a couple anymore. They are just dividing things, solving shit about the business they have together…”

“Wait…” Bobby stopped him, Johnny closed his mouth with a click. “Are you fucking Daniel LaRusso?” 

Well.

“Oh my god, you  _ are  _ fucking Daniel LaRusso!”

Easier this way.

“Sure, yell it to the wind. Why not?” Johnny sighed. “I’m not…” He swallowed, still surprised at how easy it came to admit this particular truth of the whole deal. “I’m not just fucking him.”

Bobby laughed, looking at the table as he processed the new information. He saw his friend drink again, his eyes were always the clearest and for a long time, Johnny thought of them and their calm every time he felt overwhelmed or about to fall into darker waters.

This man had always been on his side.

Somehow, he had won a place in that heart and had the luck to stay there until now. There was nobody in the world he trusted the way he did Bobby, and if someone would understand what he was going through right now— it was going to be him.

“Remember when you had wet dreams with him and it made you cry?”

“I wasn’t crying!” Johnny reminded him. “I was frustrated— you know what, fuck you!” 

He made the whole theater of standing up, making Bobby laugh as he held Johnny’s arm with his hand to keep him from running away. Bobby always kept him in his place.

“No, no, no. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll behave!” He promised.

Johnny looked at him with a frown, shaking his head as he slowly went back to sit in front of his friend. He was still laughing, still euphoric at the news in a way that was making Johnny think maybe the rest of the world won’t mind at all.

“How did that happen anyway?” He asked, Johnny made a  _ tsk  _ sound with his tongue before shaking his head. “Seriously, this is… kind of ironic, I guess.”

“Tell me about it.” Johnny sighed as he closed his eyes. 

An image appeared in his mind immediately, of Daniel sleeping at his side in the morning, chest raising and falling slowly as the sun filtered through the window and made yellow lines on his back. Johnny smiled, opening his eyes.

“Not even in my wildest dreams…” He admitted.

He could feel Bobby’s eyes on him, but Johnny kept his eyes on the table as he thought better of it, of all that had happened in such short months. Ever since he saw the man in his Dealership, everything kept moving. 

Sometimes slowly, others fast, but they were here now. And Johnny was telling his best friend that he was sleeping with the guy they once beat the shit out of for a girl he hadn’t thought of in a while.

“You seem different.” Bobby said after a moment, Johnny looked up. “In a good way, in a very good way.”

“Yeah?” He sighed and thought of everything else that was starting to feel right in his life. “My son is with me now. He and Miguel fight like siblings on bad days, are civil to each other in good ones… it’s not so bad.”

“Mhm…”

“The dojo is doing really good…” He kept going, looking at Bobby’s smile. “Money’s okay. I haven’t been drunk in months.” Johnny blinked, suddenly realizing this. “Shit, Bobby— I haven’t been drunk in  _ months _ .”

Not since Robby came to live with him, not since Daniel gave the chain back. 

The last time he did this good, Robby had been six years old and wanted to be Indiana Jones. Shannon had actually got him a hat, and the boy went everywhere with it all the time. He had built a Temple of Doom in Johnny’s living room at the time, jumping from couch to couch saying there was water, and lava, and snakes on the floor.

Back then, that had felt like the highlight of his adult life. Nothing would be as wonderful as those afternoons when Robby stayed the weekend and he wasn’t drunk, when Shannon trusted him and she hadn’t fallen into bad habits either. 

Now there he was, having drinks with his best friend as he told him about the first real relationship he had since the mother of his son, with a guy— with a guy he once swore to hate forever, no less.

“I have a relationship…” He finished. “Yeah, things are good. Maybe it’s that.”

“You got a boyfriend!” Bobby said, amused as hell.

It still sounded somehow wrong. Johnny shook his head.

“We are not boys anymore.” He said before drinking down the remaining of his beer.

“No? Then what?”

He hadn’t thought of it really, nor had he talked about it with Daniel. Whatever they were, he knew they were in for the long run.

Johnny saw it in the way he had started to spend more time at Daniel’s place and had stopped to think of it as only his dojo or his sensei’s house, but just Daniel’s place where they went to sleep together and woke up to each other’s faces; to Johnny’s morning grumpiness and Daniel’s hyperactive mood.

He smiled at his friend. “Partner. He’s my partner.”

Bobby smiled at him, nodding before going back to their drinks and other themes. As the time passed, Johnny noticed how relaxed he really was and how eager he was to get to that odd house Daniel lived in, knowing the three kids were there talking his partner’s ears off, and probably fighting at some point.

His friend suddenly laughed as they were leaving the place, making Johnny look at him.

“What?”

“I think I owe Jenniffer Martin a call and fifty dollars.” He said, looking at a frowning Johnny. “That night after prom… she said you two would end up together. And here we are.”

Johnny shook his head, remembering that woman and her knowing smile, her motherly fingers in his hair and how it had actually  _ hurt him _ when Bobby told him they had broken up. She was family too, he missed her every time he thought of her.

“You better pay that woman, then.” Johnny said, pushing Bobby towards the Challenger. “I don’t want her giving me shit on the Facebook about it when she finds out.”

“Just Facebook, Johnny!”

“What did I say?”

Bobby groaned in frustration, Johnny smiled as he saw him get into his car.

This, what his life was right now. This is where he wanted to live for the rest of it, in the calming presence of his best friend, his son, LaRusso’s, Miguel, his students, and Daniel.

He’ll die a happy man if this lasts until the end of his days.

* * *

Getting a divorce was hard.

He had gotten over the initial shock of knowing something he thought eternal had ended, he felt calmer and more like himself now as he did two months ago, but Daniel had to admit every legal step was harder than the other.

Sometimes, he and Amanda would look at each other with twin frowns as they grimaced at each other. He had found himself almost apologizing to her several times for putting her through this, for not listening to her since the beginning, so many years ago, and get a prenup.

But papers were to be signed soon, and the kids were okay, and that was all that mattered to him.

That, and how much he liked to enter his room and smell Johnny’s aftershave after a day out working and teaching. One of these days, he wanted it to be permanent.

He wanted to know he’d be in this house every day and so Daniel wouldn’t have to sleep alone. He was so used to the noisy Encino house with his children yelling at each other, Sam’s pop music, Anthony’s videogames and Amanda’s heals in the stairs, the silence in Miyagi-do was almost terrifying.

Daniel longed for the days when Johnny would stay with him, the weekends when Robby stayed too and they would watch loud action films with both Johnny and Robby sporting the same engrossed expression. He should take a picture, show it to Johnny so he could see just how damn similar his son was to him.

“Dad’s on his way.”

Daniel looked up from the papers he was reading, blinking a couple of times before focusing on Robby who was standing near the table in the kitchen where he had been working. He smiled at him, seeing the chain hanging from his neck.

“Yeah? What about Bobby?”

“He said he was dropping Uncle Bobby at his dad’s place and then coming here, so I guess he’s home now.” The kid said, Daniel smiled at the  _ Uncle _ part.

What was that like? To have friends for so long they become family, they become your children’s Uncles. Johnny’s loyalty to his friends, the way they loved him back, it was—well,  _ beautiful _ . 

Daniel wished he could have something like that.

_ “You can hang out with us, you know?” _ Johnny had offered.  _ “Just… let me test the waters.” _

Daniel looked at his phone. Johnny had texted him a few times, but hadn’t said anything about coming soon. He hoped everything was alright.

“Are you guys staying the night?” Daniel said, hiding his hopes as the boy moved his head to one side.

“I don’t know, actually.” He shrugged. “I guess yes, I think dad likes here better than his place. So…”

Daniel chuckled, knowing Robby was speaking for himself as well. “You know you can stay all you guys want.”

Robby smiled at him, nodding before walking back into the living room where he was torturing his children with horror movies. No LaRusso was good at taking horror, but Robby seemed scared of nothing, able to watch whatever.

Which was why he had ended in the kitchen, running away from Jason and Freddy.

“Dad?” Sam’s voice called his attention, Daniel looked up and found her peeking her head around the door’s frame.

“What’s up?” Daniel left the papers completely as she walked inside, taking a seat in front of him. “Hey…”

“I’m okay.” She smiled, there was something unsure and almost nervous in her demeanor but Daniel let it be. He had discovered the best way to help his daughter was to let her tell him whatever was going through her head instead of jumping into assumptions. “So…”

“Mmm?”

“You and Mr. Lawrence…”

“Oh.” 

His face felt warm immediately. It was ridiculous to pretend his kids weren’t aware of what was happening between them. Johnny and Robby were always here. Amanda had eventually let go of her anger and jealousy, and ignored the thing as best she could. 

Of course Sam would know.

“It’s okay!” She said right away, probably noticing his awkwardness. “I—I don’t— I don’t mind. It’s fine.” She cleared her throat and Daniel looked at her face. “I just… well. I was wondering… about Robby’s chain.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s it, isn’t it?” Sam asked, her eyes shone even bluer in the light of the kitchen. “It’s the same one you had in the dojo…”

Once he promised his daughter to tell her about it, about the things he hid in the darkness of that safe space he had built for himself. 

Daniel cleared his throat, nodding.

“How…?”

“It’s Johnny’s.” He murmured. He watched as Sam processed it, slowly nodding as she understood. “He dropped it when we were kids, I never gave it back.”

“Why?”

“I wanted…” He sighed, in retrospective it sounded weird. But as long as Johnny didn’t think so, he didn’t care. “I wanted to have an excuse to talk to him, but the more I thought of what to say, the closer we got to graduation. After that, I just… didn’t know how to find him.”

Sam blinked, her fingers were interlocked over the table and she seemed to be thinking of his words. She nodded once, then looked back at Daniel.

“So you… you liked him before?”

How come, it was so easy to tell this to her and it had cost him thirty years to admit it to himself? Daniel breathed out. He nodded, and waited for her reaction. Sam’s lips became a white line on her face, she swallowed visibly but said nothing.

“Where you… did you like him when you and mom…?”

“No.” He answered immediately. “I don’t— I don’t know how to explain it better, but— John and I had a river of unfinished things between us… and we never took care of it.” He took a deep breath, hoping he was explaining himself properly. “We were scared.”

“Dad…”

“And then we parted ways. I made a mistake, I ran away.” He said, Sam blinked as she looked surprised to hear him admit all this.

Was she surprised because he never admitted his mistakes, or because she had another image of him? Was this to change his relationship with his daughter? Daniel swallowed, hoping this was all for good.

He couldn’t keep living lying to himself or the people he loved. If he wanted this place to be noisy and smell of Johnny’s aftershave permanently, he needed to be honest.

“I loved your mother. And she was the love of my life at that moment, I’m going to love her in a way forever…” He swallowed. “But there was always that cross, too. And I think… it slowly represented something else.”

“What?”

Daniel bit his bottom lip. He had talked about this with Loretta a few weeks ago. Her words had calmed most of his fears and doubts, he felt lighter now that he had finally spoken aloud.

“You know how I told you about… that part of me felt empty?” He said, trying to smile a little. Sam nodded. “Karate and Johnny are intertwined in me.” Daniel swallowed. “I became a husband and a father, and a boss, and I didn’t have time for karate or… or Mr. Miyagi.”

“Daddy, that’s not your fault…”

“I know it’s not.” He said, heart aching with every word. It was hard to swallow. “But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I wish I had spent more time with him the last few years… and then he was gone, and nothing of that big and important part of my life was left.” He sighed. “I felt alone. Something was missing… so the cross became a treasure from that past.”

They heard a car. Daniel saw Anthony passing towards the entrance while Robby laughed in the living room. He smiled at Sam, trying his best to make his point clear.

“It was the living proof that I still had a chance to have that part back. If I could just find Johnny again and give him the cross, maybe I could let go of karate, but…”

She chuckled. It wasn’t mocking or nervous, Sam smiled apologetically before licking her lips. “You could never let go of karate, dad. That and All-Valley is what you are always talking about…” 

Her eyes opened wide. Daniel frowned and moved his head to one side as the front door was being open, and Anthony was yelling something about Robby. 

“You are an ass!” Robby passed the kitchen, jogging to the entrance too.

Was his son telling Johnny about something Robby did? The thought was almost sweet, like siblings telling their father what stupid things they had done to each other that day. He wondered if they would ever be like that— if that was something that Johnny wanted like he wanted.

“All-Valley.” Sam repeated, Daniel focused his eyes on her again. “Dad…” She seemed sad, her cheeks were pink. “It’s been so long…”

“What?”

“Why did you do that to yourself?” She asked, Daniel frowned deeper. “You had your secret for thirty years, you wasted so much time when you could have been…  _ whole _ , and happy, you—”

“Sam, no.” He reached for her hand in the middle of the table. She didn’t move, her face was turning red and her eyes becoming wetter. Daniel swallowed, but smiled at her. “I have you two, I had your mother and we loved each other very much. I don’t regret any of that.”

“But you said you felt alone—”

“Yes, but it wasn’t like that always. That doesn’t erase how much I love you and your brother.” He said. “Don’t you see it? I get to have this and the best of the past. I have you two, I was happy with your mom… I have Miyagi-do.” Daniel smiled, this time it felt real. He could hear the boys coming closer. “And I have John.”

Sam looked at him for long seconds before smiling. This time, it reached her eyes and Daniel knew they were going to be okay.

“You are gonna sleep with the gremlin, Robby. If he wets the bed, it’s your problem!” They heard Johnny say.

Anthony gasped loudly. “I DON’T WET THE BED ANYMORE!”

“You used to pee the bed?” Robby asked with alarm, Sam laughed as she looked back at the door where Robby and Anthony passed, fighting like children. 

“I DON’T!”

“Shut it, gremlin! Stop watching horror movies if you’re gonna be a pussy about it!”

“Oh my god!” Sam laughed, putting a hand over her mouth as she looked back at him.

Daniel shook his head, watching Johnny come into the kitchen wearing that lather jacket from earlier that had almost made him  _ beg  _ for him to stay home. He couldn’t wait for the kids to be asleep.

“My man, everybody…” He shook his head, his words making Johnny stop in his tracks while Sam laughed. “Seriously? That’s how you talk to my child right in front of me?”

“I—” Johnny blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

Sam stood, still laughing as she walked towards Daniel. She kissed his head, Daniel smiled up at her before she stood near Johnny, hugging him for a few seconds and leaving him wordless again.

“Good night, Mr. Lawrence.”

“... Good night, princess.”

Johnny looked lost, standing in the middle of the kitchen as he looked straight into the direction where Sam had gone. Daniel chuckled, calling his attention. He stood up and walked towards him, putting a hand on his belly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” He cleared his throat. “I just don’t know what just happened.”

“My daughter hugged you?” Daniel arched an eyebrow. “You are too macho for hugs now?”

“Shut up.” Johnny looked back at the entrance, then at him. 

Daniel smiled, Johnny wrapped his arms around him and hid his face in his neck. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with his scent— his aftershave, his cologne, the alcohol lingering there after spending the afternoon in a bar with Bobby Brown, and all that was just Johnny.

The man kissed his neck, slowly moved up to his cheek and let go. But Daniel cradled his face, kissing him once and twice as Johnny tried to remind him the kids were just there, but tonight he wanted this.

He didn’t want to be careful anymore in his own home, he didn’t want him to go ever again.

“Hey…” Johnny called him, Daniel listened. “I… I told Bobby about us. I hope that’s okay.”

“Well,” Daniel smiled, “Sam knows about us. I hope that’s okay.”

“Oh.” He didn’t seem too surprised or uncomfortable, Daniel’s heart jumped in happiness. “What about the gremlin?”

“Stop calling my son that!” Daniel said but Johnny was smirking, and he knew it meant he’ll call him that exclusively for now on. “I haven’t talked to him, but he isn’t stupid, so…”

“Yeah, he’s not a moron…” Johnny said with a little smile, he had grown fond of him and Daniel could tell. He hoped it could be like this forever. “Well, the world didn’t end.”

“Mhm.” 

He closed his eyes when Johnny leaned on his face, but the kiss landed on his forehead and his smile became bigger.

**XV**

Growing up, Johnny disappointed his mother many times.

He had promised to never use certain words but immediately weaponized them when he realized just how easy it was to disarm a person with enough venom. 

Johnny had blamed it to the other kids who constantly repeated these in his presence once he joined Cobra Kai, to the asshole Blake and his gang of morons that loved to torment him when he had been lanky and nerdy, and always alone.

Often he thought of what would have been of him had he listened to his mother, had she known more of his life outside the house. Had Laura stopped Kreese from making him into Blake? What kind of man would he be today if he hadn’t grown up like that?

And what would she think now, now that he woke up with a man at his side? 

_ “People love differently, Johnny. Uncle Ray and uncle Jake are happy, why would we judge them when they have done nothing but be happy together?” _

He often thought of his mother and how she’d explained to him the relationship between their neighbors when he was a child. Johnny remembered being the one telling Robby about these things too as they were stuck in traffic and the women in the car in front shared a quick kiss.

Robby had moved his head to one side but said nothing until they made it to Shannon’s apartment. He’d been ten, liked soccer and wanted to be an astronaut for the next six months.

_ “People love differently.”  _ Johnny had repeated. _ “Some guys like men, some girls like chicks, some people like all. And it’s fine, you know? They are just trying to be happy so why judge them?” _

_ “Uh, okay.”  _ Robby answered.  _ “Does that mean I can have a boyfriend?” _

Johnny chuckled. _ “When you are older, if you want to...” _

_ “Okay!” _

_ “Only when you are older!” _

A year ago, Robby laughed the morning he came back from LaRusso’s after that first time when everything changed for real. 

They had said nothing, the boy knew exactly where he went the night before and probably why he looked blissed out of his mind as he passed on breakfast because he needed to recover some sleep.

He and his son still had a long path ahead to work on their relationship and heal, but at least he didn’t mind him and Daniel, still had chosen to stay with him when his mother came back.

All this past year, he’d been there when they stumbled into the days someone would freak out and not talk. Having Robby on their side was good.

Fall came, papers were signed as dances and parties were planned, and Robby was okay with them. When the holidays came around, Sam convinced them to take a picture together, and Anthony had been a jerk about it. For a second, Johnny thought it would be it— but Daniel remained.

The man stood and kept his head up, slowly building back all that confidence that was all him, and when the new year started, it was all okay.

If the kids were alright, they would be too.

Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if his mother would be happy for him like she’d been when she met Shannon, when she found out she was going to be a grandmother. Would she love to know his partner had other children she could claim for grandmother privileges too?

He sighed with closed eyes, sitting on the Challenger as he heard Anthony and Robby playing in the parking lot. Slowly, his eyes opened and Johnny blinked. 

It was a day like any other; he and Robby had been living in this house for almost eight months. The wind kept its course, people kept moving. Yet, it felt... different.

Daniel had texted him at least twenty times while Johnny was in class. He’d frowned at his phone as he tried to read the word walls the man sent, saying Anthony was in trouble and Amanda would kill him, then saying that no— actually, he was proud of his child, but still needed Johnny to “play good sensei” and talk to him.

For a second, he thought of calling to make sure what he was getting into by stepping into the house after he was done in the dojo. But then Miguel had saved him by being his usual loud self, talking about the kid punching someone according to Sam.

He had shook his head as he was doing now, the gremlin had only been doing karate for a few months and had gotten himself and Johnny in trouble so many times, he had stopped counting. Sam, no longer in the city and adapting to college life, had found it amusing and constantly sent Johnny the same moving image to show her “support”.

Daniel and him had the suspicion that one of these days she may come home hand in hand with Miguel again, both keeping more contact between them than she was with anyone else. Most of the time, Johnny heard of her from Miguel instead of her family.

As long as it didn’t bring any unnecessary animosity between the nowadays friendly boys he loved the most, Johnny was alright with that. Miguel and Robby had slowly worked their shit out, finally calm between them, keeping a friendly karate rivalry that had him and Daniel excitedly looking at each other from across the mat.

Johnny got out of the car and watched the boys playing. Both had grown the past year, differently, but still notorious enough to make his heart ache nicely. 

His boy was healthy as ever, short hair and a strong jaw making him look like the young man he was; the little cross hung from his neck, they had changed the chain last Winter and Robby hadn’t taken it off ever since. 

In spite of his and Daniel’s pleas, he had passed on college (for now) and was now learning from Amanda’s best sellsmen at the Dealership. His charm, according to her, as well as his whit for business had her excitedly making plans for him working with them.

All Johnny could say about it was that if this is what Robby wanted, then perfect. The kid seemed happy there, well dressed and smiling more often, practicing karate with Daniel still in the afternoons and being the designated driver for Anthony when he was around.

While Anthony was just starting to grow into his features, taller now, and practicing karate with Johnny instead of Daniel.

The drama it had brought into the house, he still laughed as he remembered his partner acting as if his life was over, the kid rolling his eyes while his sister giggled at Johnny’s side. Amanda had the last word, allowing him to take classes three times a week.

Both boys looked at him, Robby smiled and left the game in spite of Anthony’s complaints.

“Are you okay, dad?” He asked. 

Johnny wondered what his face must look like, but he only nodded and called the other kid with a gesture. Anthony walked towards him carefully, probably aware he’d been told what he did.

“Yep.” He sighed before signaling the inside of the house. Daniel’s class had been over for around half an hour already. “Is he there?”

Robby nodded, his little knowing smile would be annoying if it wasn’t so adorable. Johnny wondered how much of an open book he had become to his kid, every time he mentioned Daniel in a sort of domestic scenario, Robby smiled. 

He was still so much like a little puppy, it was incredible. 

“You want me to go with you?” 

Johnny chuckled, nodding again. He couldn’t help but smile when he felt his son half-hugging him, standing there for a few seconds with his cheek against his chest like when he was a child, before sighing and walking him inside the house with Anthony following behind.

“What’s going on?” The boy asked, sounding nervous.

“Nothing.” Johnny said, sighing before stopping to look at him. “How bad was it?”

Anthony looked at him for long seconds, probably measuring how much it was in his favor to lie or not. He saw the kid visibly swallow before giving in.

“Well… he grounded me.” He said, Johnny couldn’t help but smile. “But my mom said I did the right thing!”

Johnny had to give it to Amanda, she seemed to be the only reasoning adult between them most of the time.

“Tell me about it before I see your dad.” Johnny told him, Anthony sighed and walked besides him, passing through the house together. 

“This asshole dude, Luke, was going on and on and on about a lesbian movie he supposedly saw.” Anthony started, “Somewhere between the porn scenes he was graphically describing—”

“I hate kids…” Robby murmured, Johnny elbowed him and Anthony laughed loudly when they reached the backyard.

He saw Daniel doing his breathing exercises under a tree, his back to them. The afternoon glow hit him like a projector, always standing out and making everything else look like nothing in spite of how much Johnny actually liked this place.

“Anyway… he started to make fun of me because one of my friends told him not to talk bad of gay people in front of me.” Anthony said, Johnny slowly looked down at him. The kid looked irritated. “He called me the F word.”

“What?” Johnny frowned, he saw Robby frown from the corner of his eye. “The F word? Fuck? What about that?”

“Damn, you are dumb...” Anthony crossed his arms over his chest, Johnny was about to say something when the kid looked down. “I don’t…Ugh.” He swallowed visibly. “ _ Faggot _ .” He murmured.

_ What does it mean? Faggot. What does it mean? _

_ It’s an awful word people use to make other men feel bad because they are different. _

_ Different how? _

_ People who love differently. _

Johnny swallowed. He remembered promising Laura not to say that word, the way he had ended up yelling it at others when he’d been king of the hill. He could see why Daniel had been upset.

“Well—”

“It gets worse.” Robby said, Anthony sighed again while looking more and more bothered.

“My stupid friend told him it wasn’t me, but my dad.” The kid said, Johnny tensed knowing what was coming. “He called him that, sooooo I punched him!” Anthony shrugged.

“You broke his nose…” Robby added.

Anthony shrugged again, clearly having zero regrets as he looked at Johnny for approval.

“Talk shit, get hit!” The kid said.

He couldn’t say he didn’t agree with the kid, Johnny would beat the shit out of anyone who insulted Daniel to his face. Not even at their worst did he ever call him that, he wasn’t about to let anyone call him it.

Johnny took a deep breath, looking back where Daniel was now sitting under the same tree with eyes closed. He looked asleep, completely at peace. He hoped not to disturb him.

“You know why he grounded you, right?”

Anthony shrugged again. “He said I shouldn’t hit people just because they make me angry with their ignorance.”

“Sure.” Johnny said. “Listen to him this once, kid. You can’t hit them all…” The boy looked up at him, Johnny smiled before tapping his chin two times with a finger. “But you did good.”

“Right?” Anthony smiled wide. “Luke deserved it anyway. He is always being a jerk to girls and I’m pretty sure he’s kind of a racist.”

“Sounds like a piece of shit!”

They high-fived, Robby shook his head and walked away with a deep sigh.

“You’re of no help!” He said from inside the house, Johnny laughed but let it go.

“I gotta talk to your dad.” He said, Anthony nodded and turned towards Robby. “I’m proud of you!” 

“Thank you, sensei!” Anthony turned again, bowing theatrically before running towards the older boy.

Johnny shook his head, if anyone told him a year ago he’d be living in Miyagi-do, sleeping in the same bed as Daniel LaRusso, and helping him with his own kids, he would’ve laughed. And probably hit that person.

“Nooooooo!” He heard Robby say dramatically, Johnny looked back for a few seconds and laughed.

He slowed down to admire Daniel’s face, still peaceful in spite of how anxious he had been just this afternoon. Doing Karate with his class had a powerful effect on him sometimes, it was as if part of his soul elevated or some shit like that.

“Hey,” he said, coming closer to the man under the three.

Daniel’s eyes opened, slowly looking up at him with a smile. The last remains of daylight made a soft tan on his skin, glowing almost golden as he breathed in and out.

“Hi.”

It reminded him of something else.

“I won! I won!” They heard Anthony yell. 

For the sound of it, the kid must have been running into the house. Daniel laughed, and Johnny looked back at him like lured by the sound. He offered his hand, Daniel took it and stood. 

The man stretched lazily, arching his back and flashing his belly, Johnny couldn’t help but smile as his hands went immediately to his waist. Daniel blinked a couple of times, putting his hands on Johnny’s shoulders.

“Did he tell you what he did?”

“It wasn’t so bad…”

“No.” Daniel admitted but looked… worried. “I just don’t want him to— I don’t know. I’ll hit a bigot too, it’s just…”

“Alright.” Johnny pulled him against his chest, Daniel tensed but let it happen anyway. “What’s going on?”

He hesitated, looked like every time one of them was going through a little crisis and nobody was saying a word about it. Months ago, Johnny had promised to be honest, even if he ended up whispering these fears and doubts quietly in the middle of the night.

Daniel bit his bottom lip, looking into Johnny’s chest before finally reaching his eyes and sighing.

“I hate that he’s getting shit because of me.” He admitted, Johnny swallowed and waited for him to keep talking. “I… know I can’t do anything but remind him he has nothing to do with this, but...”

“It sucks.” He finished for him after a few seconds.

Daniel smiled sadly. “It sucks.” He said. “I should be defending and protecting my kid, not the other way around.”

“Yeah…” Johnny smiled. “On the other hand, I don’t think anybody will be bothering the gremlin again.”

Daniel rolled his eyes, pushing him slightly before starting to walk back to the house. Johnny laughed behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind before lifting him slightly to make him stop.

“Come ooooon, you know it works!” He kissed his temple. “Didn’t I leave you alone after you kicked me in the face?”

“That’s besides the point! He shouldn’t have done that!” He insisted. “Let me go, asshole!”

“And you wonder why your son reacts the way he does sometimes? Have you heard yourself?”

“You are such a dick, Johnny!” 

“Tsk, last night you seemed to like that exactly— _ Ough _ …”

Daniel’s elbow hurt almost as much as his kicks but Johnny still laughed, trying his best to stop and recover air. He saw his partner walking towards the house without care in the world, so he laughed again and ran to catch up with him.

“Elbow to the gut, not very proper of you…”

“That’s what happens when you are harassing your boyfriend.”

Johnny chuckled, instantly responding like many times. “We aren’t boys anymore, don’t say that.”

“Johnny?” Daniel stopped in the dock, turning around to look at him. “Why don't you use that word?” He crossed his arms over his chest. 

To anyone, he would look calm and firm, getting an answer out of him one way or another. But Johnny could see the nervousness, a spark of desperation in each word. 

His hands ended inside his jeans pocket, Johnny swallowed and looked him in the eyes.

“It feels weird.”

Daniel’s frown became deeper, he could swear the wrinkle between his eyes had a life of its own at this point.

“But we are dating, we are a couple, we—“

“I’m not just  _ dating  _ you.” Johnny said, unsure of where he was going with this. “That boyfriend shit sounds like High School, you’re not… someone I’m gonna fight with and break off things immediately.” He sighed. “I don’t have a better word for it, I don’t want it to sound like something kids do...” 

If he wanted to laugh, Daniel hid it well. He looked at Johnny for a few seconds, neutral expression making him nervous until he moved forward to cradle Johnny’s face before kissing him softly.

The kiss was over before Johnny could reciprocate, he blinked a couple of times as he looked at Daniel’s face and the man smiled.

“That’s sweet.”

“Ugh…”

“You are telling the kid not to punch others.” He said and it was final, Johnny sighed deeply as Daniel moved away with a little smirk.

He looked up at the sky, hoping his mother was enjoying this. Because he certainly was.

“Yes, dear.” He answered, following Daniel into the house.

* * *

When Daniel was a kid, he’d been protected by his girl cousins most of the time. 

If he was called names by mean boys, mostly his other cousins and neighbors, Loretta and the girls would take care of it. 

Growing up, he saw the world change and things being spoken aloud more often. He knew one day his children would be bothered by others for how he lived his life, and Daniel thought he’d be ready for it—

But getting that call this afternoon, hearing Anthony tell his story and Amanda sighing deeply as both signed his detention note, he realized he wasn’t.

The sudden kick of reality reminded him of the past year and how things have changed in his life. 

Like half of his family not talking to him, the way people would tell him how supportive of the LGBT community they were unprompted to then ask inappropriate questions with disgusting giggles, how even in the privacy of their home Danile and Johnny were always looking around before touching.

Anthony was right, someone like that kid deserved a bloody nose but that was the thing— they were only kids, still forming their own thoughts and views. He didn’t want his son to believe punching was the only solution against hate. Daniel didn’t want him to fight all the time.

As his father, Daniel felt torn between pride and concern. Anthony wasn’t a violent kid, he wasn’t a submissive kid either— he’d bite and kick when needed. A small part of him was worried this would become something else under a different teaching than his.

But he knew the man that had his hand on his lower back as they walked inside the house, the man that had teached Anthony to do a proper fist and who didn’t believe fighting was the only way of living. Not anymore. 

He knew Johnny. He knew he was a good sensei and cared for his kids, that he lovingly called Anthony ‘gremlin’ like he referred to his own son as ‘puppy’ and Sam as ‘princess’, and would actually get to the kid once they sat down and talked.

The boys were in the kitchen. Anthony was growing up, gaining height and finding sharper edges. He would stop being his baby soon, just like Robby didn’t look as boyish as he used to when they met.

Robby smiled at them as they walked in, “Hey, Mr. L!” He greeted him, taking his phone from Anthony’s hands and walking towards them. “Look what Sam got for Anthony…”

Daniel looked at the phone’s screen, it showed a screenshot from a purchase of a black t-shirt with white letters that read  _ ‘Punch Your Local Homophobe Today!’ _ and he couldn’t help the loud laugh that came out his mouth. 

He put a hand on his mouth, but the boys were laughing and Johnny was behind him looking at the phone too. His amused laugh made Daniel look back for a second, Johnny winked at him and moved away, to the table where Anthony was sitting in front of his laptop.

“Okay,” He started, Daniel and Robby looked at each other, then at the table. “Here’s the thing…”

“No, no, no, you were on my side!” Anthony said, sounding miserable. 

Daniel felt the ‘awww’ coming from the depths of his soul, but he stopped it to not ruin the moment. 

“I am on your side, gremlin!” Johnny reminded him. Robby went to the counter, sitting over it as he watched the exchange. “But you know you can’t go around punching idiots.”

“I differ, sensei. Strike first!”

He shook his head, the sigh that came out Johnny echoed in the kitchen. He sounded so exhausted.

“Yeah, but that’s for an actual fist fight.” He said, Daniel walked around the table with arms crossed, wanting to see Johnny’s face as he spoke. “What does it make you if you punch every idiot that offends you or your people?”

“A reasonable person.” Anthony answered matter-of-factly. “Assholes deserve to be hit.”

“Maybe…” Johnny looked concentrated. His eyes were focused on just Anthony, Daniel wondered if he had even noticed he moved closer. “But you don’t want to end friendless, uh? You look like an asshole if your only solution is to give people a bloody nose.”

“Mmm…” The kid exclaimed, going back to whatever he was doing on the computer.

Johnny looked up at Daniel for a few seconds, then back at Anthony. He closed the laptop with a hand, making Anthony gasp in annoyance. He was ready to protest, but the blonde pulled on the kid’s shirt, making him face Johnny.

“Sensei—“

“Shh. Listen carefully because I don’t plan on doing this again after all that just happened—“ Johnny said with an arched eyebrow. “Not everything is a fight.”

Johnny and Anthony looked at each other for long seconds. The air was different now, finally reflecting the seriousness of the situation.

“Not everything gets fixed by hitting everything that moves and annoys you.” Johnny said, slowly letting go of Anthony who didn’t move. He kept looking at his sensei as he spoke. “You are a kid, you are not learning karate to become a violent fuckup. You understood?”

Daniel blinked a couple of times, feeling things flying around his belly. It had been years since he last felt butterflies in his stomach, but ever since that morning in the Dealership when this all started again, it was a common feeling he only got when Johnny surprised him.

He surprised him plenty, lately only in the best of ways.

This new dynamic in his family, where Johnny and Robby took part of, and Johnny got to have a role in the way they were raising Anthony, as his teacher and his dad’s-partner-that-lives-with-him, it just— it made things for Daniel.

Nice things. Like wanting to have Johnny all for himself, kiss him all over and sit on his dick, but that would have to wait.

Daniel bit his bottom lip, very aware of how much he had actually lucked out. He may not be always ready for when people turned shitty, but he had someone to help him take it.

“Yes, sensei.” Anthony finally said. “But I’m not apologizing to Luke. He’s an asshole.”

“I don’t think he’s gonna bother you again.” Johnny winked at him, Daniel smiled at the sight and put a hand on Anthony’s long and messy hair. 

Anthony looked back at him, smiling when his eyes catched Daniel’s.

He arched an eyebrow. “You are still grounded, though. So give me that laptop.”

“Ugh.” The kid groaned, turning to give him the computer. “This is why we like sensei Lawrence better...”

Robby snorted, making them all look back where he was still sitting on the counter. His face was red, trying his best not to laugh. Daniel narrowed his eyes at him, shaking his head before leaving them in the kitchen.

They all laughed once he left, he rolled his eyes and walked to their room to leave the laptop with Anthony’s phone and games. Amanda would be picking him up in a couple of hours, and she’ll deal with the punishment her own way.

“You know he doesn’t mean that, right?” He heard Johnny talk 

Daniel looked at him, feeling lighter than he’d been the entire day. Johnny looked awkward in spite of Daniel’s smile, so he kissed his cheek.

“I know he doesn’t.” He answered. “I also know he means it when he says he likes you.”

“That’s—”

“I’m glad he likes my partner.” Daniel said, watching Johnny’s reaction closely.

The man took a deep breath, scratching the back of his head as he looked away. He looked adorable, never able to take it when his students or his son expressed how much they loved him, how important he was to them.

“Most kids of divorced parents don’t like their parent’s new relationships, so… I think I’m lucky.”

Johnny chuckled, finally looking at him with a little smile. “We are lucky, aren’t we?”

He put his hands on Johnny’s neck, sighing happily. “Fuck yeah.”

Every now and then, Daniel wondered if things could have been different had they met elsewhere or at any other moment of their lives. 

But on days like these, he was reminded of everything that brought him here, with his forehead against Johnny’s, breathing the same air with closed eyes.

Here, where he wanted to live forever.

**Author's Note:**

> PS: Several scenes outside the plot of the movie and/or show were inspired by the poems [A Primer For The Small Weird Loves](https://anotherhand.livejournal.com/40250.html) and [Litany In Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48158/litany-in-which-certain-things-are-crossed-out#:~:text=Every%20morning%20the%20maple%20leaves.&text=You%20will%20be%20alone%20always%20and%20then%20you%20will%20die.) by Richard Siken. As well as real life experiences of my dear friend and mentor, Ricardo/Maverick and myself as a queer people. Title also from the first poem mentioned.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! You can find me for sure on [my Twitter](https://twitter.com/lawrussorights), but also sometimes on [Tumblr](http://lawrussorights.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Have a good day, and stay safe!


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